Quotes from Tim Waggoner

No lawyers in Nekropolis. They're too scary even for this city.

It was a weird feeling knowing that people were looking to me for help – and frustrating too. You save the damn city a couple times, and suddenly everyone expects miracles from you.

By the way," Devona asked, "how did Lazlo know to come get us?" "I have no idea. Sometimes he just shows up when I need him." "That's odd," she said. I laughed. "You're a half-human vampire who's asked a zombie ex-cop to help you track down a stolen magic crystal – and you think Lazlo's odd?

Talaith sat upon an airborne throne of black marble held aloft by a pair of giant flapping raven's wings growing from the throne's back. Despite myself, I was impressed. Much classier than a broom or carpet.

As the three of us walked, we caught the occasional glimpse of a shambling thing lurking in an alley or dark eyes peering through broken shutters in an abandoned building, but we made sure not to disturb them and they in turn didn't seek to devour our souls. A good arrangement all the way around, as far as I was concerned.

It took the zombie horde, such as it was, a moment to realize we were there, but as soon as they did, they began moaning, "Braaaaiiiinssss…" and started heading toward us as fast as their dead bodies would permit. "Idiots," Lazlo said. "Why are they always obsessed with brains? Don't they know how hard it is to bite through a skull?" "I do not want to know how you came by that knowledge," I said.

Lazlo doesn't believe in seatbelts. He says they show a serious lack of faith in a driver.

There are worse things than death in this town and they're usually standing a few inches behind you, ready to reach out and grab you when you least expect it.

There has never been an escape from Tenebrus because escape literally is not possible." "Good to know," I said. "Now instead of wasting time trying to escape, I can devote my energies to my favorite pastime: mentally composing pornographic haiku.

Look, anything that has eyes all over its body should know better than to attack someone. It's like wearing armor made out of your own testicles.

He took a battered pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket and held it out to Devona. "Want one?" Devona shook her head. "No thanks." I noticed the brand: Coffin Nails.

Devona picked up my head-and-hands combo and perched me on her shoulder as if she were a vampirate and I her zombie parrot.

The vampire behind the registration desk gazed at me with a blank, lifeless expression that would've done the most burnt-out office worker back on Earth proud. In fact, the resemblance was so uncanny I wondered if most drone jobs back home were staffed by vampires. It would explain a lot.

I suppose it's possible that to the assembled vampires, werebeasts, demons, and assorted other creatures, the band's music was pleasing, even soothing, but to my zombie ears, it sounded like a dozen vehicles colliding head-on at a hundred miles an hour… over and over and over.

Demon's Roost is a paean to pleasure, a twenty-four-hour-a-day bacchanalia that makes Las Vegas look like a kindergarten playground. It's an adults-only amusement park which contains such a dazzling scope and variety of decadence and perversity that it might give Caligula himself pause.

Argus had a thing for highlander ale – made with real Scotsmen

No one knows where they came from, whether they're the result of some unnatural twist of evolution or the unexpected outcome of some bizarre magical or scientific experiment. No one believes they were created on purpose, though. There isn't a sorcerer or scientist insane enough to even contemplate such a thing, let alone actually do it. Chiranha are a cross between piranha and Chihuahua, and as silly as that might sound, no one in Nekropolis laughs at them.

Evil dies tonight!

Fuck You's my name," I said. "But you can call me Mister Fuck You.

Imagine giant trapdoor spiders hopped up on golf ball-sized amphetamines.

We had to rescue Tavi – or what was left of him – but the question was how? We couldn't exactly walk up to Titanus, give him a stern look, and say, "Bad dinosaur! You spit that out now!

The entire square was filled with villagers, young and old, all decked out in medieval dress. It looked like a renaissance fair, only without the funnel cakes and ATM machines labeled Queen's Treasury.

The silverfish's antennae blurred with anticipation, and its legs began tap-tap-tapping on the floor, like an excited little dog getting so worked up it was going to start peeing any minute.

I'm not going to ride in a ghost hack!" Lazlo protested. "I'm a real cabby! Besides, I'm not going to leave my cab. We have to go back and–" Talaith was close enough now for us to hear her voice, and she shrieked, furious at Jack's sudden appearance. She gestured and a bolt of lightning crashed to the ground less than three yards from where we stood. "I'm going to shut my mouth and get inside," Lazlo finished.