Quotes from p g wodehouse

One prefers, of course, on all occasions to be stainless and above reproach, but, failing that, the next best thing is unquestionably to have got rid of the body.

That is life. Just one long succession of misunderstandings and rash acts and what not. Absolutely.

Lord Marshmoreton: I wish I could get you see my point of view. George Bevan: I do see your point of view. But dimly. You see, my own takes up such a lot of the foreground

He shimmered out, and I sat up in bed with that rather unpleasant feeling you get sometimes that you're going to die in about five minutes.

You can't be a successful dictator and design women's underwear. One or the other. Not both.

She uttered a sound rather like an elephant taking its foot out of a mud hole in a Burmese teak forest.

He looked like a Dictator on the point of starting a purge.

He was more like something out of Dickens than anything human.

smoking is just a habit. 'Tolstoy', she said, mentioning someone I hadn't met, 'says that just as much pleasure can be got from twirling the fingers'. My impulse was to tell her Tolstoy was off his onion, but I choked down the heated words. For all I know, the man might be a bosom pal of hers and she might resent criticism of him, however justified.

Nothing to be done about it except give her a reproachful look. I did this. It made no impression whatever, and she proceeded.

One of the rummy things about Jeeves is that, unless you watch like a hawk, you very seldom see him come into a room.

As life goes on, don't you find that all you need is about two real friends, a regular supply of books, and a Peke?

The unpleasant, acrid smell of burnt poetry.

Bingo swayed like a jelly in a high wind.

She was definitely the sort of girl who puts her hands over a husband's eyes, as he is crawling in to breakfast with a morning head, and says Guess who!

If England wants a happy, well-fed aristocracy, she mustn't have wars. She can't have it both ways.

My earnest hope is that the entire remainder of my existence will be one round of unruffled monotony.

I'm lonely, Jeeves.' 'You have a great many friends,sir.' 'What's the good of friends?' 'Emerson,' I reminded him,'says a friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature,sir.' 'Well, you can tell Emerson from me next time you see him that he's an ass.' 'Very good, sir.

I suppose everyone has had that ghastly feeling at one time or another of being urged by some overwhelming force to do some absolutely blithering act.

Jeeves, whatever his moral defects, would never go about in skirts calling me Bertie.

The first intimation I had that things were about to hot up was a pained and disapproving cough from the neighbourhood of the carpet.

Something that might have been a very hard and knobbly leg of mutton smote Lord Emsworth violently behind the ear:the sun was turned off at the main: the stars came out, many of them of a singular brightness.

I never feel really comfortable unless I am either actually writing or have a story going. I could not stop writing.

It is a peculiar thing in life that the people you most particularly want to edge away from always seem to cluster round like a poultice.