Quotes from Helene Lerner

I'm going to make the best choice I can and if that turns out not to be perfect, I'll keep my eye on it, analyze it, and modify it as I go.

Confidence spark If you're feeling shaky about taking an action that could prove risky, use this exercise to determine if the action is what I call a best bet, a smart risk worth taking. First, analyze the pros and cons. Say you're offered a job working for a start-up company. How many pluses and minuses can you list? Which do you have more of? Second,

Second, consider the timing and your other priorities. Are you just starting out or have you been in the workforce for a long time? Are you single or married; do you have children? All of these factors go into determining whether taking the risk is worth it. Third

Confidence spark One of the best ways to listen to someone is to tune in to the sound of his voice. He may be saying one thing but meaning something else. Focus on the quality of his tone—does he sound stressed or confident? What do you know about him that can help you figure out what he is really saying? If thoughts come up that distract you, just keep focusing on his voice to heighten your awareness of his real motivation and mental state.

it's about conveying the image of where you want to be, not where you are.

We need to change the paradigm of what an effective businesswoman is and allow for expertise and imperfections to be part of the equation. The women I interviewed admitted to both. When we give up perfectionism, we are better able to step up, speak up, think big, and take risks. Yes, we have had to be twice as good as our male counterparts as a result of our late arrival into the workplace. But no one can keep pace with a standard that can never be achieved.

pretense of perfection can kill your enthusiasm as well as your ability to move forward. Don't indulge it. Mistakes are part of the growing process. Some of the greatest innovations have come as a result of things going awry. A senior leader once told me that it's okay to make mistakes as long as you don't make the same mistake twice.

Breaking your stretch goal into a series of smaller, doable actions may help. What steps will you need to take to get to your goal? If your goal is a promotion, how can you get more visibility with power players? Which project can you put your hand up for that will showcase your skills and commitment? What else can you do to show that you are ready to advance? How can you attract a sponsor?

consider the people who can support you as you work toward your goal. Who will give you honest feedback, offer expertise, or just be available to listen as challenges arise? Continue reaching out to these people when needed.

one action at a time will get you there. Once your goal has been achieved, acknowledge the courage it took and how you have grown throughout the process. Don't stop—find another stretch goal to tackle. Confidence is about stepping up over and over again, looking fear in the face and moving ahead anyway.

MYTH It's not possible to learn how to be a dynamic leader. TRUTH Leadership presence can be cultivated and is available to me.

Leading with presence is all about the signals you send out. It is how you portray yourself—through your words, actions, and appearance—as someone whom others trust and want to follow.

Leading with presence involves being authentic, owning our strengths as well as our weaknesses, and speaking up on issues with integrity and passion.

Awareness is key, and we need to apply our best judgment and intuition to each situation.

The biggest takeaway from them is that you can act with presence even when you don't feel 100 percent sure of yourself.

MYTH When I feel criticized, I react defensively and I can't be objective. TRUTH I have the ability to discriminate, take what fits, and leave the rest.

But if no one speaks honestly to you, how will you know what is getting in the way of your moving up?

Feedback tells us how we are really being perceived, so if we are not getting it, we need to ask for it.

honest feedback is a must. What we don't know will hurt us.

chapter 1. There is a stigma attached to being anything less than perfect, and we feel exposed when we find out through critiques that we aren't.

Confidence is about showing up and moving forward as we are, not having it all together and never making mistakes. When we allow for mistakes, we are growing. The question then becomes, how do we deal with the discomfort of hearing constructive feedback so we can process it and move forward?

The moral of the story: don't react, especially when you are hungry and tired! Process the feedback at a time when you can take an honest look at what is being said.

this gives me distance from the remark. I acknowledge the person, let her know I need time to digest it, and tell her I'll get back to her shortly. I then assess what I've heard to determine what is true about it and what isn't. If I feel the need, I talk it out with a trusted friend. Here is the method Andrea Zintz, career coach

Confidence is the ability to step into uncharted territory and take the next right action, to get comfortable with the uncomfortable