Quotes from Leslie Vernick

When you give another person the power to define you, then you also give them the power to control you.

Don't get me wrong. A good marriage, adequate financial resources, even a clean home and well-behaved children do bring some measure of happiness. However, temporal blessings, as wonderful as they may be, are only a taste of the real thing. They cannot sustain inner happiness any more than eating a scrumptious meal keeps tomorrow's hunger at bay.

Holiness leads to wholeness and wholeness leads to happiness.

From Christ's perspective, success isn't measured by how much we do, how much we earn, or how much we have, but by how well we love and what kind of person we're becoming in the midst of life's activities.

Jesus commands us to love God first, with everything we have, not only because God deserves our love and is worthy of it, but because he knows how crucial it is to our long-term well-being. God knows that whatever we love the most will rule our lives. That's why the Bible counsels us to let the love of Christ control us (see 2 Corinthians 5:14), not the love of lesser things.

He needs a wife who will love him enough to tell him the truth and to respectfully challenge his selfishness, his self-absorption, and his self-deception.

When you put your foot down and say, "I will not allow myself or the kids to be treated this way anymore. It's destructive to me, to them, and to our marriage," you are not going against God by speaking the truth in love. You are standing for goodness, for truth, and for the healing and restoration of your marriage.

Your core value does not rest on the words of your husband or your mother or your father or your children or even your best friend. It rests on God's words because he's the only one who will always tell you the truth all the time. People change. They fail. They lie. Their knowledge is limited, their thinking distorted, and their hearts are not always pure or good. Therefore it's dangerous to allow them to determine your worth.

There are times you must risk unraveling the life you have in order to create the life God wants for you.

Even the best truth tellers (like Jesus) are hated and abused by those who prefer darkness to light.

An emotionally destructive marriage is one where one's personhood, dignity, and freedom of choice is regularly denied, criticized, or crushed. This can be done through words, behaviors, economics, attitudes, and misusing the Scriptures.

When you are the only one in your marriage caring, repenting, being respectful and honest, sacrificing, and working toward being a better spouse, you are a godly wife, but you don't have a healthy or biblical marriage.

Who we are and who we are becoming is formed as much, if not more, by our unique way of responding.

When deceit and attack become a regular part of marital interactions, there is no clear communication, no resolution to the problem, and no healing. It's impossible to have a close, loving relationship with someone you can't trust, can't talk with, or who won't take a look at himself when he hurts you.

Marriage and family are important to God, but just as important to him are the individuals within those marriages and families.

Maybe you think that God is more interested in preserving your marriage than the well-being of you and your children, but that is not true.

Our emotions always serve a purpose, like the warning lights on a car dashboard. Ignoring them doesn't make them go away, and often ignoring our feelings only makes the problem worse.

In some marriages, trying harder does not engender a reciprocal response. It has the opposite effect. It feeds the fantasy that the sole purpose of your life is to serve your husband, make him happy, and meet his every need. It feeds his belief of entitlement and his selfishness, and it solidifies his self-deception that it is indeed all about him.

It is not your husband's lies that will do the most damage to you. It's the lies you tell yourself.

God is gracious and compassionate to the saint and unrepentant sinner alike, but he does not have a close relationship with both. He says our sins separate us from him

Marriage does not give someone a "get out of jail free" card that entitles a husband to lie, mistreat, ignore, be cruel, or crush his wife's God-given dignity. To believe otherwise is not to know the heart of God.

When you give another person the power to define you, then you also give them the power to control you. Here's

Biblically loving your husband doesn't require you to prop him up in order to enable him to continue to hurt you. It involves something far more redemptive.

God calls us to be biblical peacemakers, not peacekeepers or peace fakers.