Quotes from Frank Skinner

I like to turn up my collar when I'm leaving the theatre and feel like I'm some heroic comedian figure.

I was a very happy but quite solitary kid. I spent hours playing on my own, mainly with toy soldiers, and played entire World Cup football tournaments in the garden with commentary in my head.

Throughout the day I suddenly get bursts of excitement about not very much at all, like those things in public toilets that puff out air freshener.

I can't tell you why, but I feel like I'm more me on radio than on television. It's because I'm more relaxed. The reason I feel that way is a mystery to me, mind you.

I think when anyone says you look like a famous person you fiercely deny it, and then go around hoping other people will say it, too.

When I started earning, a lot of me didn't need worrying about anymore, so I had scope to worry about someone else. Money, I think, has made me kinder.

I stopped drinking before I became a comic; one was a replacement for the other.

I love touring. Not just the shows, I love hotels. I love motorway services at three o'clock in the morning. I like long car journeys, so I like all the trimmings basically.

A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by it's own farts

As you get older, your injuries don't come with an anecdote any more, they just come.

I'm enjoying Channel Four's '10 O'Clock Live.' I like the idea of putting together a dream team and seeing what happens. I also like 'Not Going Out,' the sitcom starring Lee Mack. It's a sitcom packed with jokes. Not many of them as frowned upon as lacking kudos.

I think I was probably a 60-year-old man in waiting for most of my life. Even as a child I had something of the man in my sixties about me.

I think Jimmy Carr is very funny and probably the most industrious comedian I know and I really respect him for that.

The first live gig I ever saw was Johnny Cash at the Birmingham Odeon in 1971. I was 14 and went with my dad.

Cider was my drink because I liked the taste and it made me stupid.

Anyway, my writer gang: they kind of did their comedy apprenticeship with me and, during that period, when they were young and impressionable, I think I infected them with my pun virus. They grew to enjoy puns, think puns, just as much as me. The problem is people don't really like puns any more, so I worry I've rendered the poor fuckers virtually unemployable.

I walked back into the bedroom and, after all that, I actually was surprised. She lay on the bed, her hands nonchalantly behind her head, with the banana between her legs. Only half of it was alfresco. It was if we'd had sex and then, before heading for the bathroom, I'd bookmarked her vagina so as not to lose my place.

We may not know how the lines of our life are going to end, but at least we can predict what they'll sound like.

That's the thing with good poets. They structure and decide and re-write and insert, but some of the magic comes from a place beyond intention.

That's the thing with good poets. They structure and decide and re-write and insert, but some of the magic comes from the place beyond intention. It just falls from them like windfall fruit.

That's the thing with good poets. They structure and decide and re-write and insert, but some of the magic comes from the place beyond intention.

Being on your own in a gallery is the biggest treat, as long as the lights are switched on.

Not being a naturally-good-looking-ladies-man type of bloke, I hadn't had a tremendous amount of success with women. So when celebrity opened the door, I went a bit barmy.

Poetry has always been this completely alien art to me. I am the sort of bloke who, when he gets into things, generally tries to have a go at doing them. But I've never thought I could write poetry.