Quotes from Frank Skinner

I must have been one of the few New Lads who was teetotal.

My comedy is my life turned into jokes. I think a lot of people wouldn't like that because you end up talking about stuff where you don't always come out so well. You have to be prepared to say, 'This is me, being a prat.'

The Daily Mirror called me a 'money-grabbing reptile' once. I could cope with the reptile part, but 'money-grabbing' hurt.

It is so rubbish when comics belittle their children in the misguided belief that it makes them look cool.

This might sound slightly ridiculous but I play the ukulele for at least an hour a day and I find something really blissful about it.

I remember when I turned 30 and I started doing sit-ups, I split with my girlfriend and stopped drinking and all sorts of things. It was a very weird time. But 60... I like it.

I have spoken to many broadcasters about bringing poetry to television and they're usually not keen.

After I became a professional comedian, I took to listening to Cash's classic hit 'Ring of Fire' before I went on stage. I always found it completely exhilarating.

Scarily, I was only about 11 or 12 when my mum pointed out my resemblance to Stan Laurel. I know he's the ultimate loser, but I was happy to hear it.

The edge of inappropriate is the spiritual home of the best stand-up comedy.

So, Arsenal have signed Arsene Wenger because his name sounds a bit like the club. How long before Man Utd sign Stefan Kuntz?

You can be funny about your kids without being unkind.

I quite like being a 'comedy elder statesman.' I am a big fan, I go to watch loads of new comics, and I like the fact that they don't go, 'Why are you here?'

I actually like - if I may use the F word - fame. I like people stopping me in the street and saying, 'Can I have a photo?'

There's only one thing more embarrassing than the celebrities talking about politics; and that's politicians talking about anything other than politics.

If you strip a lot of performers to the core, you find that urge to show off.

It's important that comedians talk about difficult and dangerous subjects; you have to be very careful that you don't just hear the subject heading and think, oh, this is bad, they shouldn't be talking about that. You have to hear what's being said.

I like proper jokes. I don't like people who get applause because the audience agree with them.

If you earn a lot of money you should pay a lot of tax.

I don't think I'm in love with television. I think I'm in love with stand-up, and I'm in love with radio. And then, television is my employer.

I don't want a Lamborghini. Even if I was given one, I'd be like one of those people who won the speedboat on 'Bullseye' and have it in Exchange & Mart within 48 hours.