Quotes from Garry Shandling

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.

'The Larry Sanders Show,' it's actually about love, which would sound like a paradox at first. But if that love didn't exist, the darker attitudes would not play. You would have a one-dimensional, cynical show, which I don't think the show was.

Dogs are not people. Be leery of any woman who refers to her dogs as her 'kids,' because you'll only end up paying for their schooling.

Men who betray women also betray other men. Women shouldn't feel so special.

Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name?

I like to talk on the cell when I do interviews. That way, I double my chances of getting brain cancer: from the cell phone, and from the questions.

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show.

That's what we were exploring on 'Larry Sanders' - the human qualities that have brought us to where we are now in the world: the addiction to needing more and wanting more and talking more. We were examining the labels put on success - is it successful to be on TV every day, to be famous, to have a paycheck?

Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids.

Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."

In the year 2525, that song will be even less popular than when it first came out.

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.

I'm very loyal in a relationship. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms and go, "I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like."

I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.

I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green.

There's a good chance that if you're talking to me when I'm snoring, it means I'm bored.

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't.

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate.

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there.

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships, because I do have commitment issues. My friends tell me I have intimacy problems, but they don't know me, so who cares what they think?

I started boxing for exercise, and on the very first day, the trainer got in the ring with me and said, 'Whoever controls the breathing in the ring controls the fight.' I immediately passed out.

First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show and so forth and so on.

I feel that everything I do in my life I can do in a shorter time than most men can. It's the quality, not the quantity.