Quotes from Judy Gold

The first time I did stand-up was on a dare.

I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do.

If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car

My desire for my own sitcom began as a little girl - I spent hours lying on my belly on the shag carpeting getting lost in the world of the '70s sitcom. All I wanted to do was run away to the Brady house, The Partridge Family bus; even the project on 'Good Times' seemed better than Clark, NJ.

If I was married to a man, and I had the same life situation that I have, it's the perfect recipe for a sitcom.

Joan Rivers was my hero.

Joan Rivers was a role model to comics everywhere, but especially to women. She got the first laugh and the last laugh.

I would love to get married, first of all, from my children's perspective. People don't think of children when they think of gay marriage, but I do have children, and for them to see their family validated as other families are validated and protected by our government, yes.

I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners.

Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.'

I love the vulgar. I kind of have the humor of a 17-year-old boy.

Of course I love cooking Eastern European food because I'm a Jew, but I also love making roast chicken. I love making Hungarian goulash. There are a lot of egg noodles in my cooking.

I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.'

'The Judy Show' would be the name of my TV show if I had one, but I don't.

Some people use stand-up to get something else in their careers, but it's truly the art form of stand-up I love.

As scary as it was being raised by one Jewish mother, I have to feel for my kids because they have two Jewish mothers.

If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car

Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was.

When I got a part in 'All American Girl,' in 1994, I remember thinking, 'Now I have a series, I'm not going to need to do standup,' but every night I'd go out afterward and get onstage somewhere.

I worked at Military Media, an advertising agency for military-base newspapers. Don't ask, I won't tell.

Unfortunately, I cook for two boys, and they don't care what it looks like on the plate, and neither do I.

There is no reason to be ashamed of who you are.

Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing.

My mother is a tall woman - as is everyone in my family. At her prime, she stood 5 feet 9 inches, which is quite unusual for a woman born in 1922.