Quotes from Chuck Palahniuk

This is your life and its ending one minute at a time.

Jump ahead ten years, and not much has changed. Ten years of ther­apy, and I'm still in about the same place. This prob­ably isn't some­thing we should cel­ebrate.

Sometimes you do something, and you get screwed. Sometimes it's the things you don't do, and you get screwed.

Me, personally, I tell dude 137 how I'm adding an embossed slogan to my dildos. Cast in high-relief going around the base, it's going to say, The Dick That Killed Cassie Wright... On the thickest part, so if you twist it the letters of the writing stimulate the clit.

Imagine there is no God. There is no Heaven or Hell. There is only your son and his son and his son, and the world you leave for them.

And it's funny how when somebody saves you, the first thing you want to do is save other people.

Until today, it really pissed me off that I'd become this totally centered Zen Master and nobody had noticed.

In her experience every man thought he was a natural dancer, and every one thought he was good in bed. The truth was that most men only knew one dance step—usually the pogo—and between the sheets they were like a monkey in a nature film poking at an anthill with a stick.

Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a business trip. I prayed for wind shear effect. I prayed for pelicans sucked into the turbines and loose bolts and ice on the wings. On takeoff, as the plane pushed down the runway and the flaps tilted up, with our seats in their full upright position and our tray tables stowed and all personal carry-on baggage in the overhead compartment, as the end of the runway ran up to meet us with our smoking materials extinguished, I prayed for a crash.

You can't be beautiful until you feel beautiful.

You can't be beautiful, Brandy says about a thousand times, until you feel beautiful.

Sui­cide is very con­ta­gious.

This is a terrible way to travel. I go to meetings my boss doesn't want to attend. I take notes. I'll get back to you.

your folks are like God because you want to know they're out there and you want them to approve of your life, still you only call them when you're in crisis and need something.

If no sing, all youth condemned into poverty. Denied possible advancement and self-realization

The sun's outside the bathroom window, trying to show us we're all being stupid. All you have to do is look around.

Too much school. Would you rather be dead?! Would you rather die? Here, on your knees in the back of a convenience store?!

Marla's philosophy of life, she told me, is that she can die at any moment. The tragedy of her life is that she doesn't.

For instance, if Jesus Christ had died in prison, with no one watching and with no one there to mourn or torture him, would we be saved? With all due respect. According to the agent, the biggest factor that makes you a saint is the amount of press coverage you get.

It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness.

What if all of our anger and fear is unwarranted? What if world events are unfolding in perfect order to deliver us to a distant joy we can't conceive of at this time?

My biggest gripe is still hope. In hell, hope is a really really bad habit. Like smoking cigarettes or fingernail biting. Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It's an addiction to break. Yes, I know the word tenacious. I'm 13 and disillusioned. And a little lonely.

The damaged love the damaged.

Please don't feel hurt, Satan, but my parents raised me to believe you didn't exist. My mom and dad said you and God were invented in the superstitious, backward pea brains of hillbilly preachers and Republican hypocrites.