Quotes from Chuck Palahniuk

Welcome to America, our never-ending, great popularity contest.

Branch Bacardi, star of The Da Vinci Load, To Drill a Mockingbird, The Postman Always Cums Twice, Chitty Chitty Gang Bang, The Twilight Bone, A Tale of Two Titties...

The first week I was here, a girl got canned for humming an Erasure song while she was churning butter. It's like, yeah, Erasure is historic, but not historic enough.

She's seen it, pictured it, dreamed of it. She's wanted it so bad.

No matter luxuries you get, something will be missing. No matter how carefully you chooe, you'll never be totally happy.

Picture time travel as nothing more than knocking your half-read book to the floor and losing your place. You pick up the book and open the pages to a scene too early or late, but never exactly where you'd been reading.

Still, the better she could draw, the worse her life got--until nothing in her real world was good enough. It got until she didn't belong anywhere. It got so nobody was good enough, refined enough, real enough. Not the boys in high school. Not the other girls. Nothing was real as her imagined world.

The slogan for America is 'Not Good Enough'. Nothing's ever fast enough. Nothing's big enough. We're never satisfied. We're always improving…

Maybe self-destruction is the answer.

The reason boys desire so desperately to kiss girls is because, with each kiss, the activity makes the boy's wanger grow larger. The more girls a boy can kiss, the larger a wanger he'll eventually possess, and the boys boasting the largest are awarded the best-paying, highest-status jobs. Really, it's all very simple.

What I'm talking about is free will. Do we have it, or does God dictate and script everything we do and say and want? Do we have free will, or do the mass media and our culture control us, our desires and actions, from the moment we're born?

Then I thought, a sex change, she says, a sexual reassignment surgery [...] It was just the biggest mistake I could make. The biggest challenge I could give myself. She says, You have to jump into disaster with both feet.

Give me needy emotional whining bullshit. Flash. Give me self-absorbed egocentric twaddle. Christ.

this isn't so much romance as it is opportunity [victor mancini]

You are not special. Your are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

That's why I write, because life never works except in retrospect. And writing makes you look back. Because since you can't control life, at least you can control your version.

Getting fired," Tyler says, is the best thing that could happen to any of us. That way, we'd quit treading water and do something with our lives.

Since boyhood, fury had become his father. His older brother. His only protector. Fury gave him strength and courage and spurred him to always move forward despite always getting things wrong and always failing and no mentor there to help him or teach him and everyone always laughing. Anger delivered him from catastrophe. Rage kept him from going under. It had come to be his greatest asset and only strategy.

Your handwriting. The way you walk. Which china pattern you choose. It's all giving you away. Everything is a self-potrait. Everything is a diary.

I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God's got this all wrong. We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. And God says, no, that's not right. Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can't teach God anything.

The truth is you can be orphaned again and again and again. The truth is you will be.

It helps to know you're not any more responsible for how you look than a car is. You're a product just as much. A product of a product of a product.

Money gives you permission to just walk away from everything that isn't pretty and perfect. You can't put up with anything less than lovely. You spend your life running, avoiding, escaping.

The whole world is a dis­as­ter wait­ing to hap­pen.