Quotes from Eddie Griffin

Stand-up comedy is a science. Every comedian is a psychology major, naturally.

We here a blink of an eye, even if we make it 75, 80 years, you still here a blink of an eye. Enjoy it.

You have to watch CNN, MSNBC, Fox and then the local news and then Al Jazeera. The truth is somewhere in the middle, because all of them are lying. It's what they're not saying that's really going on. What they're saying is called television programming. They're telling you this is the program. You are being programmed.

I'm truly a believer that Satan was behind everything that happened in that White House, and now, the Republican party. Anything that is good for the people, they're against it.

I take a subject, then I go on stage, and whatever is in there comes out. You can edit as you go and continue to work it out on stage until it's something you like, but I never think about it. I just go up and flow.

In Hollywood, you serve no wine before it's time, give the haters no time to hate until it's too late.

I never wrote a joke in my life. I just get on stage and let it flow.

Being poor gets you thinking quicker.

The international launch of 'Undeniable' is special because now fans all across the globe can laugh along to some of the funniest jokes in history.

My inspiration is the one and only godfather of comedy himself, Richard Pryor. He's the greatest.

Biggest man law - be a man. Simple: be a man, definition of being a man is being a man. And don't let your woman turn you into a little boy.

Stand-up is good therapy.

I'm not that cool in real life. I'm only cool in a goofy way.

I am definitely scary to a lot of people. I talk about realities that some folks just don't want to hear.

Life is an endless journey through stupidity.

I don't like country music, so I won't buy a ticket. That doesn't mean I should be outside protesting.

It was frustrating because I didn't do anything, ... I was at the wrong place at the wrong time, and he decided to punish me. I couldn't do anything about it.

You have to know the human condition to get that many people to all respond at the same time to the same subject. You gotta understand humanity in order to portray it.

Comedy has a way of dealing with serious issues and finding humour in it.

Women are empowered, and they got better jobs than their husbands.

You only live once but in my case, twice. I'm indestructible.

Everyone says, 'What is it like to wreck a Ferrari?' Man, it felt good, especially when you don't have to pay for it.

We need more intellect and humor back on television, instead of the lowest common denominator of comedy - like the fart joke!

I remember asking my mom when I was 10 if I was adopted because I didn't look like my brothers and sisters. She said, 'Are you crazy? You think I am gonna go buy another mouth to feed?' So that settled that.