Quotes from Tiffany Haddish

I'm not really into politics, but if I had my own country, I would make sure all my people were educated and figuring out what they love to do, and focusing on that.

I think of comedy as my man: it's the one thing I can always rely on that will keep me safe, keep me fed, put a roof over my head.

I learned from Roger Rabbit that if you make people laugh, they'll do anything for you - which is almost true.

My therapist was like, 'What brings joy to your heart?' And I was like, 'I like to see teeth. I guess maybe I should have been a dentist.'

When I got emancipated from the foster care program and I became homeless, it was a struggle. I was working at an airline, and then I stopped to pursue comedy 110%.

When I go to auditions, I try to always make sure I go in prepared. I always think to myself, 'I'm here to provide them with a service. They need me, and if they decide to hire me for this service, I'm going to give them the best they've ever paid for and if they don't, they're dumb.' That's on them.

Stop holding your truth; speak your truth. Be yourself. It's the healthiest way to be.

Coming from where I came from, being a foster youth... like, living in all those different homes... I am glad I had those experiences because now, when I perform, I can come from a place of reality: I know how different people live.

Being on stage is, like, my favorite. The immediate gratification. That's my favorite.

You're the only one that's in control of your emotions; you're the only one that's inside of you at all times. So control you however you want to. If you're not happy, that's your fault.

Every teacher that I've ever had, that I still remember their name, made me laugh. I feel like comedy is the best instrument to teach.

I tried to join three gangs, and every single one gave me a different excuse, but it was pretty much along the lines of, 'You're too goofy. You're too cute. You don't fit in.'

I did this movie called 'Their Eyes Were Watching God,' and I was an extra, and it was a movie that Oprah was producing. She had walked by, and I was making all the other extras laugh, and she said, 'You're a very funny young lady.' I was like, 'Eeeee!'

I'm so sleepy most of the time, but I guess it's 'cause I'm constantly doing things and trying to move forward and set up for the master plan. The master plan is to be, like, little baby Oprah, with my own production company, maybe my own channel, inspire millions.

I always bring at least 15 to 20 percent of Tiffany to every character that I do. Like when I read 'Girls Trip,' I was like, 'Who been partying with me? Somebody been hanging out with me and done stole some stuff.'

If the award comes with a check, then I want that award. But if it doesn't come with a check, then I'm not that interested. I'd much rather join NASCAR and get a trophy and a check.

I'm not afraid of any kind of job, I'm not afraid to play any kind of role, as long as it doesn't compromise my morals.

The body is a universal language. Because if you spoke French, and I speak English, but I move like this or do certain movements, I can still make you smile and laugh.

I did tell the census man I was white, and I'm telling you, I started getting offers for the black American Express card in the mail.

In stand-up, you do need to be having fun up there, like Richard Pryor said, but you have to know yourself well, too... You start learning, and it's like playing a piano. You know exactly what keys to stroke, 'cause really, with comedy, you're, like, fiddling with people's souls.

I've studied Charlie Chaplin for years. I've studied Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, all of them. I don't play around. This is not a game.