Quotes from T. J. Miller

When you get into a car, and there's trash, or it's dirty, or one of the hubcaps is off, you're like, 'Come on, dude.' Every woman likes the confidence and self-respect that says, 'I get oil changes. I look after my vehicle.' That's what I recommend: Act like you don't care, but take care of your body.

Keep your elbows soft. Keep your elbows looking fine.

One of the exciting things about an entanglement puzzle is there's no end to it. Once you solve how to take it apart, you have to solve how to put it back together.

Mucinex were like, 'Would you like to be the Mucinex man? You sound like you're sick right now'. In each spot, they give me a little bit of room to do something strange. And in a world of fractured mediums, where there is no zeitgeist, and you get your comedy from your phone, it's all content.

I'm always so amazed by which performances work really, really well and which ones don't. But I think it's just mostly, 'She's Out Of My League,' so many people saw that movie on DVD and on the plane. Just millions of people saw that movie. That's the reason I'm somewhat famous.

I told the Mucinex people, 'You picked me because I always sound sick'. They were like, 'Well, it doesn't hurt'.

J. P. Morgan. He was kind of a douche.

I care less about selling tickets and getting Twitter followers than I do about making as many people laugh as I can. I'd rather make people laugh than make them know who T.J. Miller is.

I actually prefer Twitter as a medium, and I also got into Periscope for a second, but I'm still trying to figure out what to do with it. I can't figure out if the only important thing about it is the live broadcast, or if it's an interesting kind of way to log what you do.

Mike Judge is very specific about how people look in his projects, and I think it's because he's an animator.

People dream their whole lives of their Oscar speech; I dreamt my whole life of hosting the Oscars.

I don't really know how to act that much. I'm quite good at comedy, but it's mostly acting naturally.

Everybody asks me what it was like to be in my underwear for my network television debut.

Every time I could possibly be doing stand up, I am.

I don't believe in alcohol. It's a sort of a medicinal necessity for the human condition, none of that stuff. I'm not a gambling man.

I'm a Nietzschean scholar. I've read an immense amount about nihilism and existentialism.

It's always fun to agree to be in a movie when you have no idea what it's actually going to be!

I've stated that it's possible the only reason I'm in show business is that I have such a strange, particular head of hair. That, and I can grow a red beard.

There's nothing I would love more than to host an awards show where I'm nominated for an award - that is so funny to me.

I drink a fair amount of ramen noodles.

Work harder than anyone else around you.

Steve Martin's comedy albums are so ridiculous.

Always farm fresh eggs, never store bought.

I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates.