Quotes from Augusten Burroughs

My only ritual is to just sit down and write, write every day.

When people meet me, many times they're very surprised because they expect someone who is kind of wacky with seven piercings and very hip and cool and New York City, and I'm not.

The only other people who have had experiences similar to those of this man were locked up inside institutions for the criminally insane. The difference is, this guy gets business cards.

I never listen to music when I write.

Maybe you feel pressure to be positive because so many people rely on your good, fake-positive energy? If that's the case, screw everybody else. You're not a bottle of Valium.

When I ate vanilla frosting straight from the can, I could feel God standing right nest to me like a real best friend, watching, and smiling, and wishing he had a mouth.

God, I felt certain, did not mind that I didn't press my hands together to pray. I was casual, but I was sincere. I knew that God existed as the Correct Answer inside my chest.

My mother began to go crazy. Not in a 'Let's paint the kitchen red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwhich, I am God' sort of way.

You would be amazed by what you can give up, lose, or break, and yet still be a person who gets happy over brownies.

I loved most when his eyelashes twitched and he blinked, and suddenly happiness was there inside his eyes. Unmistakable. Like a single word printed on a clean white page.

Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping.

And I hope she does not live in a dark world. Because even the most terrible loss doesn't have to make you darker; it can make you deeper.

Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.

I was on the cover of a lot of newspapers. I was on the cover of USA Today for every single day for a month. I was on the masthead, so I tend to get recognized a lot, and in weird places. It's always flattering, and it's always odd. It's always at the worst possible time.

I'm like the guy who prepares your taxes or a dentist. I'm very conservative and boring in a lot of ways.

He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa.

There is no shame in being hungry for another person. There is no shame in wanting very much to share your life with somebody.

Nothing made sense to me anymore. I knew I was young, I knew I was small. But I was worried that I might already be ruined.

And I tend to listen to NPR when I'm not writing.

My parents had this relationship that was really terrifying. I mean, the level of hatred that they had, and the level of physical abuse - my mother would beat up my father, basically - and I think I was drawn to images on television that were bright and reflective.

The most valuable moments and experiences that life has to offer are found only along its most treacherous paths.

But my favorite band is Curbside Life, out of Chicago.

I did not consider him to be any kind of a genius. I considered him deeply lacking in the area that mattered most in life. Star quality.

Once I decided to write, to be published, I knew it would happen.