Quotes from Augusten Burroughs

Other people sound flat to my ear; their words just hang in the air. But when my mother says something, the ends curl.

If you believe suicide will bring you peace, or at the very least just an end to everything you hate- you are displaying self-caring behavior. You are still able to actively seek solutions to your problems. You are willing to go to great lengths to provide what you believe will be soothing to yourself. This strikes me as optimistic.

I really look at my childhood as being one giant rusty tuna can that I continue to recycle in many different shapes.

Any damage that's been done, you have to fix yourself because it needs fixing and there is nobody else to do the work. Blame may well be justified, but it's not going to move you forward in your life.

To me, these people were as exotic as animals in a zoo. I'd never seen anything like them. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to be one of them or simply live among them taking notes and photographs.

All children should be loved, protected, nurtured --emotionally and intellectually-- respected, and never, under any circumstances, underestimated.

My mistake was in underestimating the emotional force of a song you have already hear a thousand times.

Now I can add prostitute to my list of life's accomplishments.

I hate news and information and anything that threatens to puncture the bubble of oblivion in which I live.

And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.

This is what you should know about losing someone you love. They do not travel alone. You go with them.

Optimism sprouts from the knowledge that you are in control of your own life, not your past and not those around you. Part of being in control is taking responsibility for how you feel. This means not just admitting to uncomfortable feelings but then examining your circumstances to see what can be done to change these feelings at the source.

I couldn't help but think, This car is taking me to a mental hospital and my mother is treating it like open-mic night at a Greenwich Village café.

Smoking had become my favorite thing in the world to do. It was like having instant comfort, no matter where or when.

It was impossible to escape her. She provided no natural break in the conversation, and she spoke with such intensity that I would have had to abruptly shout SHUT THE FUCK UP, punch her, and then run away in order to be free.

To be more confident you need to give a whole lot less of a shit about that other people think of you.

Even when we lose an arm or a leg, there's not less of us but more. Human experience weighs more than human tissue.

What nobody understood then is this: The only way that you achieve what you want and fulfill your dreams and become great is by demanding that sort of attention. You have to make it happen.

He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa.

So we can be filled with holes and loss and wide expanses of unhealed geography - and we can also be excited by life and in love and content at the exact same moment.

Self-pity is the bestiality of emotions: it absolutely disgusts people. When you're feeling pity for yourself, and somebody says to you 'You think maybe it's time for the pity party to be over? You should stop feeling sorry for yourself and try to think positive,' it makes you wish you could saw their head off.

Even painfully shy and awkward people are not painfully shy or awkward when they are alone. The way to access this natural, comfortable alone-self when you are with others is by choosing to forbid yourself to wonder what they are thinking. Instead, force yourself to exist in the instant, then take it- and give it- as it comes.

Because here is the truth: If you want to have a chance at meeting somebody with whom you are genuinely compatible, never put your best foot forward.

Perfection is the satin-lined casket of creativity and originality. If you are a perfectionist, at least stop telling everybody you're one and try to get over it yourself, alone in your home with the lights off