Quotes from Jim Norton

I don't watch too much television because I want to write something, and you never want to be influenced by other things that are on - and if they're really funny it'll just depress me because it's something I'm not a part of.

When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that's the irritating side of it.

Ozzy Osbourne is one of my favorite interviews, he's so good.

I don't have jokes that I can't defend.

If somebody said about me, 'I don't think his jokes are good, I don't think he's a good comedian,' I don't like to read that but that's a fair thing to say.

It's fun to pick the worst jokes you can think of.

People say that Americans trends are transient, but the one activity we never seem to tire of is being outraged. Boy, do we love it!

I think people like to label everything. I just think it's comfortable.

I unloaded trucks for a living and I hated it.

No matter how many books I've sold, nothing can correct the fact I look like Alfred Hitchcock from the side.

There are just some things that I don't think jokes are good for.

Being 'edgy' is not just cursing. There are some things socially that are just not acceptable to make fun of. Anything with race, they really won't let you do on TV unless it's completely soft.

If I leave the mike in the stand, my hands absolutely move more. I'm not sure if it's a conscious thing.

I'd like to get my own TV show on, whether it's a talk show or a comedy, that I write.

It's really hard to truly want people who you hate to have the right to say whatever they want. And we all disguise the ugly self-centeredness of it.

I've done 'Letterman' twice and he was friendly, he said hello as he was shaking your hand and in front of the audience, but you never spoke to him before or after.

God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.

Google is not my friend. I've been way too open in my career. Google has killed any shot I have on the dating apps.

I find when most people are offended, it's phony. It's an attention-seeking device. So I love to call them out on it from stage.

I got really lucky that at age 12, I knew I just wanted to be a dancing monkey in front of people and entertain them, or try to. It's amazing that at age 12 I realized what a needy life I was gonna have.

I never expect anything. The more good things that happen the better, but I never expect anything.

I'm a much nicer guy than people think I'm going to be.

It's not a hard job, radio or standup, there are hard parts of it, sure. There are guys who do ten hours of construction a day don't want to hear me talk about my job being difficult. Compared to what a lot of people do, this is genuinely easy.

If someone doesn't like a comedian that's fine; a lot of people probably don't like my standup, and that's fine. But I think that the problem is people want you to get in trouble. That's the issue.