Quotes from Jim Breuer

If I can bring you to the point where you're almost in tears one minute and laughing so hard the next and you've healed a bit at the same time, that's when I get to use the gift I was given.

When you have three teenage girls, and you're married 21 years, and have a mother who's blind in one eye and has dementia who lives with you, and your dad has worse dementia, and you're into metal, and your wife is born again, you're never running out of material.

A lot of my stand-up point of view is family - not Disney but dealing with teenagers.

I have a weird fan base, people from all over the place for some reason.

I've got a very wide sense of humor.

Why do we hide all the bullshit? Life is life. Why hide it?

Before I even got 'Saturday Night Live,' I was already known as the furthest thing from a goat boy. I had a stand-up routine, which I was all ready to do on HBO, before 'Saturday Night Live,' so if my routine was dependent on being a goat, I would want to quit.

On stage, you have the instant reaction. I'm in control of my own destiny up there. If I fail, I can always say, 'I should have read that audience better. I don't know why I went in that direction.' In the commercial world, you're not writing your character.

Marriage is work. Get it out of your thick skull that marriage is, 'Oh, we got married and now we just live forever wonderfully.' It's work. It's just like starting a business: You're going to bicker with your business partner, but you don't leave the business partner. You work it out.

If you can step back and laugh at yourself and at a situation, it's healing.

I like old-school, riff-driven, hard rock music with big hooks!

I was hoping for big TV, film, and this and that, but stand-up was the only thing I knew.

The truth hurts but it has to be heard.

If there are kids in the crowd, I try to be more animated for them. It does change a little bit each show. There's a lot of improv.

The greatest thing that I had in my life was those moments with my dad that I sacrificed. I looked at him as a soldier. He's a wounded soldier. It's my duty as a human to take care of this soldier.

I started out in 1989 doing open mic nights. The first 10 years, I was literally all about I'm going to be a star. I want leather pants, I want a kangaroo, I want to be on 'MTV Cribs,' I want to go to the mall with a pet monkey and I want everyone to go, 'Wow, that guy's huge, he's successful.'

I have been fortunate enough to have a diverse career - appearing on TV, touring the country and meeting tons of celebrities, even hanging out with rock stars - and it has been a blast.

My dream was to be the biggest comic with the biggest band, touring together.

The Mets represent life and the reality of life, the winning, the losing, the hope, the faith. You stick with them through the ups and the downs, the heartbreaks. Every year you always have hope. You always have faith, even when they break your heart. You get mad, but you stick with them. They're humbling.

I came from a blue-collar family where we busted each other's chops and found the funny in tragedies.

To me as a fan, as a die-hard AC/DC fan, Brian Johnson is the reason I discovered AC/DC.

Brian Johnson, AC/DC, singing 'The Hokey Pokey' with him - I'll take that over any other moment.

Brian Johnson is the reason I became a Bon Scott fan.

To me, those three are the revolutionaries. Richard Pryor was honest, raw. George Carlin was brilliant. He was also deep, fearless. And Sam Kinison was another one who went deeper and he revolutionized the angle of tackling humor with the whole rock star element of yelling and screaming, which was hilarious.