Quotes from John Pinette

Ron White is pretty great at what he does.

My routine isn't so much dreaming up the comedy as just seeing what happens to me. I seem to be leading a very funny life.

Salad isn't a meal. Salad's the stuff that comes with a meal.

People have been trained to believe that comedy is the five- and 10-minute segments that you see on TV. But in 10 minutes, you can't really talk about yourself.

Being asked to be in the last episode of 'Seinfeld' is not something you pass on. It was a great honor.

Vegans go to the store and they buy 50,000-pound bags of almonds. And they make it into stuff they wish they could eat.

Hollywood has a lot of barriers set up for everyone. If you can live with it, and you can break through, then you're going to do OK.

There's nothing like live performance.

I went a nutritionist... I walk into his office he goes, 'Well, the good news is, you can have all the salad you want.' I don't want any salad! He wanted me to eat salad. As a food!

I do a bunch of things when I'm in St. Louis. I went on the Anheuser-Busch tour they had to drag me out of there. I walked into that room with the 30,000 gallon keg of beer, and I said, 'This will be my new home'... I mean, I was genuinely happy.

The best way to become a better stand-up guy is to take a break from it and do other things.

I want to talk about being a big guy... it's not a fat joke. It's a joke about living the way you live.

I never dreamed that I would be part of a Broadway show.

I snagged the biggest bandwagon in history. Just when the buffet stuff was running out, now I'm the 'Seinfeld' guy. Somebody up there likes me. That's why I never worry. Something always comes up.

I was raised to believe you eat hamburgers, mashed potatoes and gravy, and cheesecake for dessert. In California they eat tofu burgers, fat-free applesauce and cake with no sugar. Hopefully, in between, there's a happy medium for me.

People have told me, 'It's part of your act, you're big, it's part of your persona.' Well, as I've lost weight, my act has grown.

I have no butt, none of the men in my family do.

In my case, I don't eat a lot before a show. I eat after. But I do two shows and it becomes part of my reward system. 'I made people laugh. I deserve a pizza.'

It's a cliche, but my comedy is all about life.

I have had some success. And it's all been wonderful, and a growing process for me. But it's nothing to my family compared to being in a musical.

I started swimming. I frolic like Free Willy.

If I was 120 pounds, I still ain't going white-water rafting.

I'm not a trained singer, I'm not a trained dancer.

I knew if I wanted to live past mid-life I would have to lose some weight.