Quotes from Mort Sahl

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

You know me, I love lost causes.

When people write comedy from neutrality, it just gets kind of silly.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

I was always biting the hand that fed me. It was compulsive. Kennedy was very good to me, and I attacked him as soon as he was elected. I attacked him before he was elected.

I was on stage last night, and I gave a medical report about Donald Trump. I said he was hospitalized for an attack of modesty.

A conservative doesn't want anything to happen for the first time; a liberal feels it should happen, but not now.

Now that Obama is at war in a 3rd country, does that mean he has to give back his Nobel Peace Prize?

Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. Had he run unopposed he would have lost.

We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.

I took benzedrine - I got clairvoyance. With benzedrine you can have a very wide view of the world, like you can decide the destiny of man and other pressing problems, such as which is the left sock?

I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.

My humor was Victorian - and still is.

I went to computer class with my Dell and I was bullied by a guy with a Mac.

I dare say that if most comedians today, the gifted ones, were to sit down and write, they'd learn more about their craft. But what happens is they get out there before they learn what their viewpoint is, if any.

You haven't lived until you've died in California

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

I took a course called Statistical Analysis. And there was a guy in the course who used to make up all his computations, and he never used sigma. He used his own initials. Because he was the standard deviation.

Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. Had he run unopposed he would have lost.

We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

My life needs editing.

That feeling of hopelessness only serves your masters.

This matter of two sides to every question is bad logic and bad practice: sometimes there are no sides; sometimes there are a hundred.