Quotes from Tina Fey

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.

In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I'm sorry, did I say 'scientists'? I meant Irish people.

I want to go to there.

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we're like Oprah and Gale. Only we're not denying anything.

Wafah Dufour bin Laden, niece of Osama bin Laden has signed a contract to star in a reality show... called Skating with the Nieces of Terrorists.

A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm on my game.

Ladies gotta say no to their husbands at the movies. They gotta say: "No, we are watching back-to-back cancer movies. And then this movie about a cat."

You know who does have a funny bone in her body? Your mom every night for a dollar.

I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.

We writers dream of a future where actors are mostly computer generated and their performances can be adjusted, by us, on a laptop, alone.