Quotes from Kevin Nealon

What happened was, I always wanted to be a singer/songwriter kind of guy like a James Taylor or Crosby, Stills and Nash type of thing; I went to a lot of coffee houses and used to watch all those guys, but I never had the nerve to get up and do it because singing seems so personal and intimate to me. It was too revealing.

The funny thing about commercials to me is that many of them now don't even mention the product until the very end. You don't really know what the commercial is all about. They're kind of like little movies, like shorts, and that's why I think they're so entertaining.

As you get older, subconsciously you start thinking about mortality and protecting your offspring. It opens up a whole new avenue of life experiences.

I look back at 'Saturday Night Live' and I think, some people didn't like me doing 'Weekend Update.' Who cares? A lot of people did. When you're reaching that many people, you're not going to have everybody like you.

They say that moving is one of the most stressful things in life. Death in the family is the second most stressful, and moving your dead spouse is the third.

I am whelmed, and not overly whelmed, just whelmed about a lot of facets in life - just how fragile life is and the different challenges you have in life, phobias about things.

The ethical argument regarding abortion hinges on the question of when life begins. Some believe life begins at forty.

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

Every time I think of Doug Wilson, I think 'pathetic.' When it comes between something for himself or something for righteousness, he'll choose himself.

Sometimes people come to my standup show, and they think they're going to see Doug Wilson. Or they see me on the street, and they call me Doug Wilson.

You don't want to throw out a good idea and have nobody get excited about it. It takes the wind out of your sails.

I like to stuff myself at Thanksgiving, not turkeys.

I was 5-foot-8 when I graduated high school, but then I shot up to 6-foot-4 and got more into playing basketball.

I recently purchased an iPad 2 because I didn't want to wait for the iPad 3 and iPad 4.

With music, you're laying it all out there. They're judging you right away, and you can lose them quick. With the comedy, you've always got another joke to redeem yourself. Or, even if you've only got one joke, at least the punch line is at the end. Then they have to at least pay attention until the end.

Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled.

Standup really is a young man's game, a single young man's game. Even when I was younger, when I wasn't single, it was hard to be on the road because you go through relationships because your girlfriend kinda got tired of you being gone.

I really enjoyed working on the 2009 film, 'Aliens in the Attic,' because it was shot in New Zealand and I got to visit there for the first time.

Any day that is designated to shower the person you love with love is my favorite holiday.

I do have a place in my heart for animal shelters because the job they have is impossible - so many animals that need to euthanized because don't have homes for them.

My adrenaline is definitely going, but it's mostly my real, laid-back persona carrying over on stage. When I first started, I was nervous, I'd be really high energy, and I'd be sweating. Now it's just my job. It's like a machinist who goes to work every day and uses the same drill bits. He's not worried about taking his finger off.

I'm a member of the Studio City Driving Range. They have a nice little par-3 AstroTurf course and driving range. You know, I don't belong to a course because I don't golf that much, so it's not worth it for me to join a club.

I just loved stand-up comics as a kid. I'd watch them on 'The Tonight Show,' and I thought what a great craft it was to come out on stage with no instrument or anything and be able to entertain people.

I see the love in my child's eyes when he sees me, and I know it's gigantic. As an older person, I've been in love before, and I've loved, but this is really an immense, out-of-control-proportion amount of love that you can't even describe.