Quotes from Matt Groening

Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.

Sometimes people get mad at The Simpsons' subversive story telling, but there's another message in there, which is a celebration of making wild, funny stories.

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

It's a funny show. The characters are surprisingly likable, given how ugly they are. We've got this huge cast of characters that we can move around. And over the last few seasons, we've explored some of the secondary characters' personal lives a bit more.

Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon.

Let's face it, all the good stuff happens after midnight.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

Our solution on 'The Simpsons' is to do jokes that people who have an education, or some frame of reference, can get. And for the ones who don't, it doesn't matter, because we have Homer banging his head and saying, 'D'oh!'

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say, "Yo Goober! Where's the meat?" I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

I've loved science fiction ever since I was a little kid, mainly from looking at the covers of science-fiction magazines and books, and I've read quite extensively as an adult.

Since I was there in the very beginning, I know the history of the characters. So, I make comments about the tone and sometimes remind the writers that we've done that before.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

I think 'Family Guy' and 'American Dad' have definitely staked out their own style and territory, and now the accusations are coming that 'The Simpsons' is taking jokes from 'Family Guy.' And I can tell you, that ain't the case.

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig, and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig, then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

Warning signs that lover is bored: 1. Passionless kisses 2. Frequent sighing 3. Moved, left no forwarding address.

Welcome to Suckersville, man.

Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same." --Reverend Lovejoy

Lisa, I apologize to you, I was wrong, I take it all back. Always be yourself. If you want to be sad, honey, be sad. We'll ride it out with you. And when you get finished feeling sad, we'll still be there. From now on, let me do the smiling for both of us.

When will people learn? Democracy doesn't work!" (Homer Simpson)

Ned Flanders]: Well looks like someone's having a pre-rapture party. [Homer Simpson]: No, Flanders. Its a meeting of gay witches for abortion, you wouldn't be interested.

Stop thinking about fun and have it" Homer Simpson

No matter how good you are at something there's always about a million people better than you.