Quotes from Joel McHale

I knew I was good at sports, and I knew I loved acting and performing, so I really dove into that, and school always became secondary.

I always excelled in sports, so I knew I had advantages there. That really gave me, like, confidence and self-esteem.

Once you've been booked, people in Hollywood say, 'Oh he must be good.' All the while you're the same actor.

I've always been very opinionated, for lack of a better term, about art. Not to sound too arrogant, but I guess I'm a connoisseur of telling people what I think is good and bad.

I used humor as survival, as a weapon and as comfort.

It's an awesome thing to be flung out onto the stage twice a weekend in front of 250 people, and you have to make it up as you go along.

There are always ridiculous things on television or on the Internet that make people go, 'Did you see that?' That could be anything from a clip from the 'Real Housewives' to someone jumping off their roof and missing the pool to a zillion other things.

'Big Brother,' I can't believe people watch. It's just people whispering to each other for hours and then some silly challenge like, who can pull the most stones out of a stuffed alligator, with some product tie-in.

Joel McHale is so money, he should be printed on money.

When I started 'The Soup' back in 2004, I was so anxious because I can't really read, and I had to read teleprompter.

With 'The Soup,' obviously it has to be totally scripted out, and then, within that, I improvise punchlines and sometimes setups if I can't read the teleprompter properly.

The editors and the creators of 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette,' they are so good at casting and at finding these young, beautiful lunatics to go on the show.

My goal and my career is definitely not to be famous. That's a really horrible goal, just to be famous for the sake of having fame.

In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!

If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.

'Maury' and 'Jerry Springer' get so theatrical that it's hard to believe.

I would like eternal life. I would like to have the power to choose who lives and dies.

When you are an actor or trying to be a working actor in L.A., most people have commercial agents, and then they have legitimate agents, and you just end up going on a thousand auditions.

My goal and my career is definitely not to be famous. That's a really horrible goal, just to be famous for the sake of having fame.

I like anything with Zak Bagans and ghost hunters.

Now I tell my mom, I go, 'Mom, you know when I was a kid and you told me to turn off the television and go outside and play?' I'd be like, 'You literally were hurting my career when you did that. You literally stopped me from doing now, what I do for a living.'

I like 'American Idol' because it's an actual talent contest.

I couldn't read the way that other students read, so I would just cheat, which, in my silly brain, I was like, 'This is a skill that I'm developing - how to just get around everything!'

I love performing, and it allows me to be very discerning about what I choose next, thank god.