Quotes from Jay London

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.

I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough.

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.

I model irregular clothing.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

I saw a stationery store move.

I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.

People read me but they don't subscribe.

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.

Do you know it was a year a ago today?

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.