Quotes from Joe Lycett

I buy flowers for myself all the time. I'm comedy's Elton John.

I'd love to grow a pair of discreet wings so I could just fly around a bit and impress people.

You should always ask for a refund at the theatre, apart from my shows, of course, where I won't be handing out any refunds.

I'm not that sort of writer where I can restrict myself to a theme, just in case nothing good comes of it.

I've got really into gardening.

I think it's important to go out and gig all over the country, it makes you a better comic.

Will & Grace' was my favourite show growing up and retains a special place in my heart, not least because it was such a refreshing and witty insight into gay life. The older me loves 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.'

I am a rare millennial who managed to buy property thanks to a mix of highly lucrative TV panel show work and employing Gary Barlow as a financial adviser.

Alan Carr is an out and proud gay man but there isn't a famous bisexual equivalent - it's a lot rarer.

I don't have too much of a grand plan.

My philosophy is, if I couldn't say it in front of my grandmother, I probably shouldn't say it.

As a child, I used to bite my toenails, which is grim. I can still do it.

If you organise a dinner party, and two guests cancel, it is still a dinner party: you still get to eat dinner.

There are many terms that have been used to describe me: man, comedian, disappointment, hammock enthusiast.

The thing about Birmingham is, no one spends their evening looking over your shoulder thinking: 'Is that Nick Grimshaw?' and wondering if there's a better night they could be on. Because there isn't.

In England, there are four major cities within a two-hour drive, so the comedy circuit thrives as a result.

I'm good at throwing fabric on myself!

I love living in Birmingham, it's just a lovely gentle life, and it's calm. And it's full of Brummies who I find hilarious.

World domination was never the plan.

My parents have always been very supportive and it hasn't been an issue. Mum worried I might get more problems in life because of my bisexuality but I think people are more liberal now.

If anything kept me awake at night it would be worrying that there wouldn't be enough time to have a nap the next day.

I've developed a fun text when a friend has just had a baby. I ask a classic question: 'Are you sleeping?' The reply is inevitably that they aren't, they're getting a few hours here and there, they're exhausted. It's then when I swoop in: 'It'll all be worth it when they're softly stroking your hair as you slip into oblivion.'

I do a very good impression of Louis Armstrong.

It's a bit embarrassing for a company to be exposed for wrongdoing, but it's really embarrassing if it's done by making them the butt of a joke.