Quotes from Joe Lycett

I beam at the idea of me at the wheel of a luxury yacht, surrounded by models and moguls, sipping cool Gavi di Gavi as we meander down the French Riviera.

Every year I buy a big faux-fur coat for the winter.

You can't go too far wrong with the Pointer Sisters.

A theatre tour as me, Joe Lycett, with support acts. That would be the dream.

There's a viral video of a young girl learning to say 'who' but pronouncing it as 'wah' which I think could be one of the funniest things that has ever happened.

When you're going into companies and you're secret filming, I didn't realise the amount of protection that you need legally before you can do just the slightest thing.

I try and avoid the big comics in Edinburgh. You can see them on tour. Edinburgh is all about seeing the smaller comedians.

I was quite a fat lad.

I get frustrated with companies that present themselves as your mates. They use emojis in the messages they send you, and they're very casual with their back-and-forth. That doesn't work if they've rinsed you of all your money.

I often ask people in the audience what their favourite cheese is. Anything less than Gruyere and they're just not middle class!

Turns out it's bloody hard to make a sculpture that looks like a human head, so I've not bothered. Realism is for squares.

I did a tweet about LGBTQ+ and someone was saying 'what's the + and what's the Q?' and some people would be like 'you should educate yourself it's disgusting, google it.' If I asked the question, they would answer it to me, so just try and treat people in the way I expect to be treated myself. So I do think that's been a problem in our community.

People say I'm charming, but I'm uneasy with that word. Quentin Crisp said: 'Charisma is the ability to influence without logic,' which is terrifying.

Every hairstyle I have is funny because my barber is a standup comedian by the slightly unfortunate name of Paul Sweeney. His cuts are fantastic but the chats are even better.

It's a cliche, but the people who enjoy your work and who come up and say, 'I enjoyed that and I liked that,' they are the people who ultimately are keeping you in work. And so, it would be rude and ungrateful of me to be anything but polite.

I think the city isn't talked about enough, there are not enough people championing Birmingham. When I was at university in Manchester I wasn't a fan, I was a bit down on my home city. But as I've got older I love living here. It's easy to get around the country to gigs, and it's a calming, friendly city.

I've attempted tech-free days when I turn off the phone and stare at the iPad instead.

Competitions are great. Unlike a lot of other creative industries they are a great way of climbing the ladder early on. If you win a comp you get on the big clubs' radar. Some people are not great at competitions, so it doesn't work out for everybody, but it is certainly a good way of getting seen by industry people.

I make a sensational chicken, chorizo and mung bean stew.

I nearly got hit by a car while I was trying to write a stupid joke but a female sheep stood in the way. I can't thank ewe enough.

I used to sing classical music to the flowers in the garden and imagine they were all different parts of the orchestra. It used to really annoy the neighbours.

I originally came out as gay when I was a teenager, then backtracked when I thought I had closed off the market a bit!

Because lots of LGBTQ people are really smart, and there's so much really interesting reading that can be done, and so much academic writing that's been done about it, people can end up getting quite academic about it.

I'm so British and polite that creating a scene or being confrontational is so not my vibe.