Quotes from Nick Offerman

Shut your damn mouth.

The world is split into two halves: the bacon, and the bacon eaters.

Don't use barbiturates before going on stage. And be honest.

I always drastically changed my look for each role. It's gotten a little tedious in real life, also, because there's no hiding.

I've never seen a theater community to rival that of Chicago. Neither New York nor L.A. has the raw talent or integrity that Chicago theater has, and I think it's because Chicago doesn't have Broadway or the film and TV business to distract it.

I have a wonderfully hedonistic appetite, and if I wasn't really strict with myself, I'd weigh 300 pounds. I'm not good with moderation.

You know, it's hard to beat bacon at anytime of day. But I also am a big fan of corned beef hash.

Figure out what you love to do, then figure out how to get paid to do it.

I have a Kenwood charcoal grill. In our house, if anybody is cooking, it's me. I love making burgers. I love making pork tenderloin. Lamb chops I do on the grill a lot. But you just can't beat brats.

Love one another, make something with your hands, and exalt the farmer.

I come from the theater, where I got into acting because I love transforming. I love nothing more than to be unrecognizable.

I come from a family of fishermen. Fishing is very important to us. We don't hunt. We're not gun folk.

And what we've lost sight of is that performing manual labor with your hands is one of the most incredibly satisfying and positive things you can do.

I have a corn creamer that I love. It extracts pulp and juice from kernels, and I simmer that down into a creamed corn that has an almost mashed potato-like consistency. I add butter and hit it with chopped fresh chives at the end for an accent of color.

When I got to Los Angeles, I started building cabins in peoples' yards, building post-and-beam structures and cutting the joinery for those.

I think it's fascinating that I receive attention for what people perceive to be a level of manliness or machismo, when amongst my family of farmers and paramedics and regular Americans, I'm kind of the sissy in my family.

Meat is a big deal in my life. I do love breakfast food, but I don't think that's extraordinary. I'm a normal American. We love eggs and meat and potatoes and gravy.

If you want to be happy in life, consider yourself a student. Every day of your life, think: how can I improve?

I am always so happy to be at 'SNL.' I still feel like a kid when I'm there, like I can't believe I'm watching them make the show.

I'm obsessed with the Victorian era and the British Royal Navy... I'd love to play a troubled sailor or captain or a boatman on a three masted ship.

When I hear young people today complain about being bored - and the things that keep them from being bored are generally exclusively videogames and/or computer pastimes - I just try to encourage them to go outside.

Only when you get into TV and film, do people really want you to be a 'specialist'.

Branding is quite an important thing. As an artist, you want to be able to explore facets of yourself.

I'm enjoying the opportunity that 'Parks And Recreation' affords me to exploit my own soapbox agenda, which is to try to encourage people to make things with their hands.