Quotes from Sarah Silverman

And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.

The best time to have a baby is when you're a black teenager.

I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny.

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.

I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.

I don't think half my stuff would be funny if the audience didn't feel at least a little bit safe that it's not how I truly feel.

I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.

I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.

I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.

I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.

This is crazy Donald. When I see the prices at the mall, I just want to vomit.

I say 'I'm sorry.' It usually disarms them.

SS: Jesus is Magic.

I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.