Quotes from Retta

I didn't have an agent before 'Parks,' and once you're on a show, they're not going to make money off of you. So if you've already booked something without an agent, unless they really want to hustle during the downtime, there's seven months when they're not going to make money off of you.

If someone annoys you on Twitter, and they only have three friends, retweet it, then block them.

I started once a week in North Carolina at a pub called Charlie Goodnight and met a lot of comics there. Then I moved to L.A., and if you're not known, it's hard to get stage time. So you start out doing what they call 'bringers' - you have to bring five people if you wanna get on stage. It was a lot of hustle, a learning curve.

When it comes to this business and becoming a comedy superstar, I've never really thought about things holding me back. I think about what to do to go the next place. Comedy now isn't the only thing for me.

I started when Chris Rock did 'Bigger & Blacker.' I used to watch that before I went onstage as inspiration to get hype, but I noticed I started taking on his cadence and talking like him. I was also doing the New York-style comedy thing, which was angry and annoyed. I was creating a persona instead of trying to embrace my own.

I only watched 'The Vampire Diaries' because my friends who loves vampires was like, 'Just watch it.' I was like, 'No, I don't want to watch 'Gossip Girls' with teeth.'

I was doing chemistry in Research Triangle Park in North Carolina. It was the first time I'd lived alone, and I had an epiphany while I was spending a lot of time watching TV and decided I wanted try acting.

I have anxiety when I'm watching TV.

I moved here in 1997. It's 20 years later, and I finally feel like I'm in this business. I feel like I could call my manager if I wanted to set up a meeting to pitch something and actually get it done, based on my history and the work I've done. I can't say that I felt that way five years ago.

I love a sexy caper show, and I love shows about con artists.

I want to do acting as much as I can. When you're on contract with a show, you can't really do other shows. It's hard to do film. I haven't had the opportunity to even audition much for films because I don't have an agent.

I've actually taken meetings about hosting a late-night talk show. I don't know that what we know as a late-night talk show is what I want. But I've been talked into a talk show, but it would be different.

When it comes to social media tea, I recommend that you take it offline. Keep your comments at Happy Hour.

If someone annoys you on Twitter, check their feed first: you need to know if they're crazy.

Wine is crying juice. Rum is worse.

I think anybody who works with Malcolm, the first thing they go, 'Holy cow! I'm working with Theo!' because that was part of my childhood.

A lot of comics fly by the seat of their pants, and they pride themselves on being witty, quick, and off-the-cuff. That's not my show. I wrote a show, and I want to do the show I wrote. I'm not interested in what the audience has to say.

I know that meeting a black woman with a love for hockey is a bit like stumbling upon a unicorn in the woods... or a unicorn anywhere. I'm sure it'd be just as surreal finding a unicorn in downtown Chicago. But here I am.

When I was younger, I was an avid science girl. I was all about, 'I'm going to be a doctor.' Even when I graduated, I was like, 'I'm going to be a doctor.' Even though I did acting and I was in plays and drama clubs in high school and college, I still didn't think I was going to take it on as a career.

If this acting thing doesn't work out, maybe I could be a blogger.

For Christmas I do gift bags for my friends and the cast, and I put 'treat yo self' key chains in there. And people send me pictures of 'treat yo self' all the time.

Once the writers got to know the actors, they would include certain things - personality-wise - for the characters because they knew you liked that sort of thing.

I was always silly in high school. I used to always get in trouble because I was laughing. I've always thought I was funny but never thought I could use it to make money. In 1996, I decided I was going to use my humor to get on TV to make money.

Handbags, dude. It's all about the handbags. I have quite a few purses that I spend a good deal of money on - that's my jam.