Quotes from Retta

It is with a heavy heart that I learn of Joe Manganiello, a.k.a. my wolfy Twitter boo, is seeing one Ms. Sofia Vergara.

I do a bit called, 'You go, girl!' where I say, 'Don't tell me 'You go, girl!' I get it. I don't need you encourage me.' And nine times out of 10 after I finish the bit, some guy in the back will yell 'You go, girl!' I get a lot of that or 'I hear ya!' I don't generally - knock on fake wood - get mean heckling.

I'm a big girl, so I want somebody that's going to make me look a little bit smaller.

The Kings made me a jersey that said 'Treat yo' self' on the back.

If you follow me on social media, you may know that I am an L.A. Kings fan. I'm not kuh-ray-zee, but I am definitely enthusiastic. I love me some Kaaannnngggsss.

If your social media addiction comes between your relationship, you might want to quit.

All the people I looked up to - Roseanne, Tim Allen, and Jerry Seinfeld - were stand-up comedians who used humor to get TV shows. I'm on TV now, and I'm working towards getting my own show.

The best shows to tweet about are the ones that are hilarious, but they might not necessarily be trying to be hilarious. Those are the easiest and the funniest because you're like 'come onnnn.'

When I first started tweeting, I was just doing it because I was watching 'Breaking Bad' in my trailer and I was so scared by the assassinating cousins. And when people started responding to me, I realized it was like I wasn't watching it alone.

I have this game with my friends: When we go out, if 'Treat yo' self' is tagged within the last six minutes on Twitter, they buy lunch. If not, I buy. They always buy.

Twitter makes me feel like I have friends all over.

'Glee' is very easy to clown because I feel like it's just crumbling. 'Smash!' 'Smash' is the ultimate. I love it because I'm all about theater. I did plays in high school and college, and it totally brings me back to that feeling: how excited you get on opening night, how it sucks when you're not learning the dance moves.

I met Robert Redford at the Golden Globes because he stepped on my foot. He stepped on my foot as he was walking by, and he was like, 'Oh, I'm so sorry!' And I was like, 'It's all right. Robert Redford can step on my foot.'

When I started, it was all meter maids or the sassy nurse, or the sassy receptionist in the hospital. And I felt like: Are those the only jobs that large, black women have?

I would often get called in to play a very loud, obnoxious - which, truth be told, I can be loud and obnoxious. My issue was when it was like a ghetto girl; I didn't think I was good at it; I didn't feel authentic. And so I had insecurities about going in on it.

My obsession is TV and movies, so I order an obscene amount of DVDs. And I have an obsession with handbags. So once a year, I treat myself to a luxury handbag.

The only time I don't get nervous is if I'm doing a home club in L.A. and I know all of my friends there because then I play to my friends. When I first started doing comedy, I hated it when my friends came; it made me more nervous. Now I just try to make them laugh.

Growing up in Jersey makes you a little bit ballsier, a little more outspoken.

I like 'Vampire Diaries' because it has great stories.

'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' - I had a lot of friends who told me to watch it. And I was like, 'I'm not buying seven seasons of a frickin' show.' It got to the point where, 'Seriously, you have to watch it.' Buffy is not my favorite, but it's amusing.

Funny enough, I don't like vampires.

I remember doing stand-up at an open mic a long time ago, and the MC was like, 'Who's next?' I said, 'Marietta Sirleaf,' and he was like, 'What?' And I was like, 'Ugh, okay, just Retta.' It stuck with me ever since.

The first time I went to the Emmys was amazing. I had someone make me a dress - like, made for me.