Quotes from John Scalzi

KPS is not, and I say this with absolutely no slight intended, a brooding symphony of a novel. It's a pop song. It's meant to be light and catchy, with three minutes of hooks and choruses for you to sing along with, and then you're done and you go on with your day, hopefully with a smile on your face. I had fun writing this, and I needed to have fun writing this. We all need a pop song from time to time, particularly after a stretch of darkness.

Remember that the plant wants to eat you," the groundskeeper said. "It's not going to let you get away. Don't fight it. Let yourself be eaten." "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm finding your advice to be less than one hundred percent helpful

There's nothing like sharing menarche with a billion hermaphrodites. I think it was everyone's first time.

Again I ask permission to be blunt." "Ambassador Abumwe, at this point I cannot imagine you being otherwise.

Well, I'm sorry my telling the truth about the stupid things you do is inconvenient for you

I was just thinking that Edward's Tumescent Cloaca would have been an excellent band name." "Emo, obviously," Kahurangi said. "Their first album glistened with promise, but their follow-up was a little flaccid." "Their third album was really shitty." "To be fair, the competition was stiff that year." "I just thought that they should have showed more spunk.

Two classics stuck with them. Ender's Game delighted them all; here were soldiers who were just like them, except smaller. The main character was even bred to fight alien species like they were. The next day the members of the 8th greeted each other with the salutation ::Ho, Ender,:: until Brahe told them to knock it off and pay attention.

It's not the trees, you dense argumentative spoon

I seem to be good at speaking the politicians' language," Szilard said. "Apparently there's an advantage around here to being mildly socially retarded, and that's the Special Forces for sure.

After watching Star Wars everyone wanted a lightsaber and was irritated that the technology for them didn't really exist. Everyone also agreed the Ewoks should all die.

he didn't exactly have the "programmer" look to him, if you know what I mean. He'd be the programmer's boss. The one they hated. The one who made them work on holidays.

Hickory clicked something to Dickory in their native tongue; Dickory clicked back. Hickory responded, and Dickory replied, it seemed a bit forcefully. And then, God help me, Hickory actually sighed.

If someone is telling you to live in interesting times, they are basically telling you they want you to die horribly, and to suffer terribly before you do. Seriously, they are not your friend. This is a tip I am giving you for free.

But I have always found that there's an inverse relationship between the number of people in a room and the amount of useful work that can be done.

Fear isn't the desire to avoid death or pain. Fear is rooted in the knowledge that what you recognize as yourself can cease to exist. Fear is existential.

I had, bluntly, the worst fucking headache I had ever had in my life. I'm trying to think of the best way to describe it. Try this. Imagine a migraine, on top of a hangover, while sitting in a kindergarten of thirty screaming children, who are all taking turns stabbing you in the eye with an ice pick.

Anyone can be a prophet. You just have to say that what you're talking about is a reflection of God. Or of the gods. Or of some divine spirit. However you want to put it. Whether those things come true isn't one way or another about it.

This novel took me rather longer than usual to write, for a number of reasons but one big one being simply that 2017 was a raging trash fire of a year, filled with horrible people trying to do horrible things and often succeeding. It's harder to bear down creatively when the world is burning.

The trick is not to find the story of the century. You won't miss that story when it happens. No one will miss it. The trick is to find the story of the day and for that day make whoever reads it or hears it care about it so intensely that it doesn't leave them. Then it becomes a story of their life. Maybe even the story of their life.

Firebomb the place," Laertes said, from the room he and Brent shared, where he was playing a video game. "No one's firebombing anything," Brent yelled back to Laertes. "Yet," Laertes replied. "You can't firebomb your way out of every problem," Brent said. "You can't," Laertes called back.

When I was twelve, my appendix burst, and as they were wheeling my ass into the operating room, I asked the doctor, "How will this affect my piano playing?" and he said, "Don't worry, you'll still be able to play the piano," and I said, "Wow! I wasn't able to before!" And then they gassed me.

Do you know what I plan to do with my body once I am dead?" "I do not, Countess." "Neither do I. I'll be dead and I won't give a shit.

Are we there yet?" I asked Joshua. "No," Joshua said. "Are we there yet?" I said. "No." "Are we there yet?" "No." "Are we there yet?" "Yes," Joshua said. "Stop the car.

How much did you love her?" Jane asked. "Your wife. Kathy. When people are married for a long time, maybe they stay together out of habit." "Sometimes they do," I said. "But I loved her very much. All the time we were married. I love her now.