Quotes from John Cleese

I have several times made a poor choice by avoiding a necessary confrontation.

The English contribution to world cuisine - the chip.

I was always a sports nut but I've lost interest now in whether one bunch of mercenaries in north London is going to beat another bunch of mercenaries from west London.

England is a fairly envious little country and it's embodied in the press. They don't like anyone being more distinguished than they are.

Life is a terminal disease, and it is sexually transmitted.

The most creative people have this childlike facility to play.

But then acting is all about faking. We're all very good at faking things that we have no competence with.

I used to desire many, many things, but now I have just one desire, and that's to get rid of all my other desires.

Sci-fi has never really been my bag. But I do believe in a lot of weird things these days, such as synchronicity. Quantum physics suggests it's possible, so why not?

I get bored easily. I've been bored most of my life.

I've always found life quite difficult to explain to people or to myself.

My compulsion to always be working has become less strong and my current business is purely down to this enormous alimony. If I wasn't doing this I'd be making documentaries about wildlife and other subjects that interest me.

Wine is wonderful stuff. But so many people are put off by the snobbery of it.

Don't let anyone tell you what you ought to like... Some wines that some experts think are absolutely exquisite don't appeal to me at all.

Happy Birthday, Thomas Hayward. Unfortunately he's dead, he would have been 177 today. Only a year younger than me.

I want to write a book which is the history of comedy.

If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.

You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change.

My compulsion to always be working has become less strong and my current business is purely down to this enormous alimony. If I wasn't doing this I'd be making documentaries about wildlife and other subjects that interest me.

I had a very, very difficult relationship with my mother, who was supremely self-centred. She was hilariously self-centred. She did not really take interest in anything that didn't immediately affect her.

I just think that sometimes we hang onto people or relationships long after they've ceased to be of any use to either of you. I'm always meeting new people, and my list of friends seems to change quite a bit.

I think that money spoils most things, once it becomes the primary motivating force.

I can't tell you how scary it can be walking onto a movie and suddenly joining this family, it's like going to somebody else's Christmas dinner, everyone knows everyone, and you're there and you're not quite sure what you're supposed to be doing.

Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious travel shows. Have you ever tried to watch one?