Quotes from John Cleese

kill my darlings

But at the end of the day, you and only you must decide which criticisms and suggestions you accept.

Here's a definition of Wokeism : There are people just sitting there, who are deliberately waiting, for the thrill of being offended.

Yes, I know it's easy to make fun of the organised churches, but has it occurred to anyone to wonder why it's so easy? What gets my goat is that "Religion" should be the most exciting topic of all. Is there an afterlife? Can we have a real purpose to our lives? How can we love our enemy, when it seems about as easy as levitating?

If you can't control your own emotions, you're forced to control other people's behaviour. That's why the touchiest, most oversensitive and easily upset must not set the standard for the rest of us .

Genuinely good manners are, after all, essentially a way of moderating one's own egotism, often in the service of considering the egos of others. Even if it's done mainly for show, it's still a start. It

I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again.

the glinting verdant foliage and its beautiful hues.

I think this view misses the essential point of running away, which is to do it the moment the idea has occurred to you. Only an obsessional procrastinator would cry, "Let's run for our lives, but not till Wednesday afternoon.

The trouble is that most people want to be right. The very best people, however, want to know if they're right

He who laughs most, learns best.

That's a lovely experience when you make an audience laugh. Then the nerves go away for a bit. And sometimes you do things then that you've never done before that are really funny.

If you want to know who your friends are, have a major failure.

When you get to my age, and I'm 66 now, you realize that the world is a madhouse and that most people are operating in fantasy anyway. So once you realise that, it doesn't bother you much.

You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change.

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies.

Filming is like a long air journey: there's so much hanging around and boredom that they keep giving you food.

When you do comedy in front of an audience, they are the ones who tell you whether it's funny or not and which bits are funny and which bits need to be fixed.

Yes it's her husband. She hasn't got over it. Died thirty years ago.

years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'