Quotes from Phil Foglio

Young lady, that is no reason to be soft on a villain! What have I told you about getting romantically involved with evil?" Sanaa closed her eyes. " 'It's not a bad way to kill time as long as it ultimately results in the total destruction of her lair and the ruination of her nefarious plans.

Why are there mechanical squid in the water cistern?" The Castle sighed. "Why is everyone so surprised about that? Where else would we keep them?

You know, there's more to being an evil despot than getting cake whenever you want it." Agatha thought about this and was filled with a sudden conviction, one that would stand the test of time through everything else that happened to her through the years. "If that's what you think, then you're doing it wrong.

A secret lab is considered by many to be the physical manifestation of a spark's mind. Thus they tend to be rather individualistic. Some are spotlessly clean; some are filled with dangerous trash. Some are ruthlessly efficient; some are filled with suicidal deathtraps. Needless to say, sparks are usually vocally dismissive of the labs of others, while surreptitiously making notes about things they'd wished they'd thought of themselves.

Marshmallow guns (or other similarly useless weapons) are actually fairly common accessories in your typical spark laboratory. No one knows why. They just sort of accumulate.

But, she silently vowed, science demands there be more evaluation of this kissing phenomena.

Herr Docktor Getwin Mittelmind (PhD, MD, BFA, University of Salzburg) was a spark who specialized in mad psychology. A specialized field to be sure. He was not locked away in Castle Heterodyne because he built giant anteaters. No, he was locked away in Castle Heterodyne because he could take a perfectly ordinary group of people and within six days they would build a giant anteater—because it was the logical thing to do.

Golf is a "sport" that became popular in Scotland in the fifteenth century. Players stalk about a predetermined course, driving small balls into holes in the ground with specially shaped sticks known as clubs. Devotees, of which there are many, claim it is one of the "purest" sports, as it develops nothing in the player that could be useful in the mundane world.

I was in the military for over ten years! If you can't read a battlefield you could accidentally surrender to your own officers, which is super embarrassing, if only because it'll get you shot.

Agatha blinked and then reexamined the stick. "That's true. All right then, I'll improve it. I'll bet there are all kinds of things I can do to make it stronger." Dimo raised an eyebrow. "As ve iz fightink our vay through a var zone?" "It will be an excellent way to get parts." Dimo grinned. "Vhen hyu poots it dot vay, hit almost makes sense!

Or you could just blow Castle Wulfenbach out of the sky." Othar clapped his hands in delight. "An excellent suggestion, young apprentice!" Tarvek ignored this. "Except, of course, that Gil is still up there." "Even better," Othar declared. Tarvek briefly considered this, then reluctantly admitted, "But he still has my notes.

Gil: Is your mind always in the gutter? Zeetha: - asks the man with no pants .

Oh. I'm still alive. Yay.

Don't try to boggle me , Mister Talking Cat . This is Mechanicsburg . You are by no means the strangest thing in this town.

Excuse me? Those are my fun-sized mobile agony and death dispensers. They're works of art! You can break your own stuff, thank you very much.

Martellus: Talking behind my back, are you? Krosp: Of course not! You're right here !

Agatha: I don't want anyone dying on my behalf. Not even you ! Tarvek: Why, that's the nicest thing you've said to me since Sturmhalten. Agatha: Treasure it, and get out !

Agatha: The acid had lost a lot of potency … but it did get right in his eyes . Jiminez: It stings! Like a really mean grapefruit!

Larana: No! Father, you can't kill him! Arguron King: Of course I can , my dear! I have minions , and soldiers and lots and lots of pointy – Larana: Argh! No! Arguron King: Oooh! I see! You want to kill him yourself ! How like your dear mother you are! Larana: Father, listen ! I don't want him killed at all ! Arguron King: I… I don't understand what you are saying …

Agatha: I… I didn't realize there were other generals. Mamma Gkika: Ho! Hyu just met dose three old ogres on Castle Wulfenbach, yez? Iz a good thing dere's more of us den dot . Dun vorry. Ven dis iz all calmed down, ve'll make sure huy meet all of us. Agatha: … in the same room? At the same time ? Mamma Gkika: Dun vorry. Just bring a big stick .

Castle Heterodyne: It seems the Lady Heterodyne … would prefer you alive . Oh well, all of the masters had their little quirks … Gil: …and she really thinks I'm going to just wander out into the middle of a battlefield ? Sleipnir: Oh? And didn't you do just that the other day? Big army of war machines? You with a walking stick ? Ring any bells? Gil: … Once . I did that once . Sleipnir: Maybe you just haven't had another chance.

Any plan where you lose your hat is a bad plan.

Agatha Clay: "I've never had coffee. Lilith said a young lady shouldn't drink stimulants." Zeetha: "Drink your coffee like a warrior." Agatha Clay: "...Yes, Zeetha.

Klaus Wulfenbach: Was my son upset? Bangladesh DuPree: Oh, him? Yeah! He's all set to be a hero and rescue her--and then he finds out he'd need fireplace tongs to get her undressed? Yeah, upset is the word.