Quotes from Limmy

I like some of my stuff not to be particularly funny. It's supposed to be amusing, entertaining or thought-provoking, like a curiosity. If you put it on in front of 500 people in the Odeon they wouldn't laugh. They shouldn't laugh.

I think I called myself an entertainer on my son's birth certificate. That sounds a bit Sammy Davis Jr. or Brian Conley, the sort of guy you just drop into a room and let them 'entertain.'

For me, in my mind personally and privately, there are no limits to comedy.

I don't need a lot: I've got a telly, a computer - what else can you get me?

I don't really read a lot. I got a few Booker Prize books and some others and thought I'd try this but quite quickly I just stick them down. I do like some Stephen King books but with some of them I just put them down as well. But I'm like that with telly stuff as well and films or music.

If the Internet went down or there was no telly I would be 'oh no, oh no.'

I always wanted to get on the telly. Then see when I did, and there was talk about doing more online, Comedy Labs or iPlayer, I was: 'Naw, naw, naw, I want to be On The Telly that sits in the living room and folk watch it together.

People who give off about fat-shaming and body-shaming are often the same people who talk about Trump's hair or how fat he is, or how old he is. The size of his hands and his fingers - that's the big one: let's all have a big laugh at his hands.

My issue with all sort of social justice stuff and leftie stuff, and I would put myself on a social justice leftie side, is some of the terminology is jargon.

The very first time I did stand-up, that was terrifying.

Going to a pub when you're not drinking is pretty boring.

It's almost like schizophrenia the way I get ideas about things that are not really happening and just end up focusing on them.

People are so quick to get offended.

The word 'cult' is almost a nice way of saying a lot of people hate you, or have never heard of you. It means someone can come up to me in the street who's really into my stuff, who's seen everything I've done, but the guy standing beside them has no idea who I am. Even in Glasgow. I think that's cult.

People say what they think online because it's not to your face. That's a good thing. You don't really want people just being nice to you with their opinions.

There are so many different ways of making people laugh and sometimes you sit down to watch something that everyone says is hilarious and within a couple of minutes you realise its comedy that isn't for you.

I think I was an alcoholic. There are all these grey areas about what makes you an alcoholic - you can't cope without it, you stop caring about jobs and relationships, or you just binge.

I sometimes wonder if I'm a psychopath.

A guy playing pool in a pub once said to me that they should put me on the telly. It went in one ear and out the other. But then I started thinking about it. I wondered how it all worked, did you have to be best mates with someone at the BBC who you went to uni with in Oxford?

My son likes Doctor Seuss books, but they're right tongue twisters. You get to certain bits and you stumble your words and it makes you feel like an idiot.

I find heartbreaking stuff really funny.

I'm quite a hermit.

Trolling can be a great way to engage with the world, a way to regain self-esteem and happiness, or, dare I say it, a way of life.

I'm alright with being disliked rather than trying to be perfect, because you get to relax then.