Quotes from Jen Kirkman

I'm very big into just feeling good and doing what I want; I'm not very calculated or thoughtful about my moves.

Its almost Thanksgiving! A day when you get to hear your extended family use racial slurs for groups are not taking away their jobs.

Childfree women are actually great assets to the planet. Our carbon footprint is smaller than a mom's! And we have enough money to write checks to organizations that help kids get vaccinations, vitamins, and educations yet have plenty of free time to advise your daughter that one day she will regret piercing her lip.

I think Twitter is kind of boring, to be honest. To me, it's not even real life.

I just try to live a moderate life of always checking and trying to be the best person I can be and I'm in therapy and am always working on something.

Have you ever tried to talk to a baby or a toddler? They never look you square in the eyes, they know about three words, and God forbid they ever ask you how you're doing. It's all about them!

Even if it's L.A. and it's warmer, we're not supposed to be revving up right now. I don't like everyone's energy around [winter] time of year.

My birthday is in August - right before September, so I have that "back to school" feeling ingrained in me so that time of year is when I usually do personal goals or resolutions.

Everyone traveling alone is just on their phones the whole time.

Instead of saving for someone else's college education, I'm currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.

I am just really focused in on what I love doing, but I would be a moron to not take some of my natural talent - I'm not saying I'm that talented, but I have enough acting and writing talent to go.

Improv requires one thing I lack that I think most mothers need - the basic instinct to put someone else first.

Sitcoms are what got me excited about show business.

At first, there was a separation of clubs and sketch comedy. Now there's all kinds of comedy, making us one big happy family.

If I write a joke, sometimes people will call it a 'lie,' and I'm fascinated with that.

I'm not a big fan of young people.

Use your passport for domestic trips, so that way you don't risk losing your license.

I actually like, love, and respect myself, and I try not to take anything too seriously.

I have this idyllic love life, but my mind just won't accept that. I would like to bring a new guy home every night. I try to make humor out of that situation.

I always try to be open to whatever the universe wants from me.

Whatever my life looks like, I want it to be real and big and full. I want when, if I get hit by a car, I want to know that I have deep and real friendships, people to visit me in the hospital.

What they call 'alt-comedy' now is basically what comedy was like in the '80s. People tried different things, and everybody went to the clubs; there was no other place. Then somehow, the clubs became infiltrated by Dice Clay and Carrot Top types.

Couples without kids have each other, their friends, families, and Siri to talk to. It's not like they're quarantining themselves in an underground bunker, never to take a romantic stroll on the beach or attend a Morrissey concert ever again. They're just using birth control.

I thought that's what happened to women: You live alone when you're old.