Quotes from Maria Bamford

I express things through characters because I have a fear that my own voice is irritating because that's been said to me.

Schizophrenia is hearing voices, not doing voices.

I was raised in Duluth, Minnesota, where you never say that you're cold, or that you're suffering, and you listen politely to people, even if you disagree with them completely. Then you say passive-aggressive things later.

I think the Internet has made it easier for people to connect with things that they really like, as well as provide a more personal experience, of 'I found this!' and then you can pass it to friends.

I've learned from my pets that it's okay to sit around, and people don't love you any less if you sit around all the time. In fact they might love you more, 'cos they always know where you're always going to be: you're always going to be laying in bed.

I love that vision-board thing where you cut out pictures that resonate with you so they'll manifest. I've done that since I was three; I cut out pictures of ladies from the JCPenney catalog.

My mom always does this thing where, the closer I get to home, the more she calls. 'Hey, listen, how's your plane? Did you land? Are you landing? Sweetie. Listen. We want to... ' The anxiety amps up exponentially as I get closer, and then I can't get out fast enough.

As far as I can tell, comedians are pretty serious people, and that's why they make fun of things all of the time.

It's always the compliments from people you love that mean so much.

I thought that when you have more success that you'd feel more buoyed or feel more confident. But in fact my brain has the gift of switching it around and saying, 'Now people are expecting something. Now you're really going to let people down.'

My dad actually had business cards made up with my sister's website and my website and all of our information. And he hands them out to people he meets.

I find it creatively satisfying to write material and say it out loud in a public place, whether or not anyone's listening.

I think you can lose yourself in any creative activity - if you enjoy your job or enjoy a task, you can lose yourself in that.

I'd like to create a lovable character for schizophrenia; it doesn't have a celebrity spokesperson because by the time somebody's schizophrenic they've lost all their teeth.

I am a wild orchid of comedy, so I can only do well under specific conditions... There are people who I think can do any room, and do stadiums and thousand-seat theaters, and then there are people like me who just perform for my parents.

I think I, like a lot of people, have that type of brain where I find it interesting or fulfilling to worry about something.

Get out of your house and go see some live performance, for God's sake. There are people creating things just outside your window.

I never really thought of myself as depressed so much as paralyzed by hope.

I like all kinds of comedy. I like comedy that doesn't talk about real beliefs or serious thoughts, but then I also like the stuff that does. I think it just depends. It's a completely personal choice.

I love support groups, people talking about their feelings.

My dad has some depressive issues, and he's really tough on himself. So sometimes he can say things that are not super supportive. Like once I did a set, and he says, 'Sheesh, no wonder you're still single.' I was like, 'Eight ball, corner pocket, dad.'

I get sort of short with people and start grumbling and clearing my throat - in honor of my father - when I'm impatient. It's very charming.

I have received more fulfillment and adulation than I would ever know what to do with in terms of show business.

My mom doesn't post on Facebook, but she'll tell anyone within about the first five minutes of meeting them about my sister and I, in whatever way she can.