Quotes from Nikki Glaser

I have always been scared of confrontation. My therapist says it stems from my fear of abandonment.

I love what I do, but living in one place for an entire year and not being on the road constantly was glorious. The road lifestyle is not ideal for a woman who's about to be thirty.

I don't know what that is because to me, Feb. 14 is Rob Thomas' birthday, and that's only what I acknowledge it as. I just like to celebrate that as Rob Thomas' birthday.

Rob Thomas loves nothing more than for couples to go on dates, and he loves chocolates. Boxes of 20 chocolates.

A college degree was very important for them; it wasn't for me. So I picked English because I'm fluent. I thought it would be the easiest to do.

My sister was very, very beautiful and I was very not. Doing comedy is the greatest thing ever because you don't have to do that, and I've since learned to let go of that.

Being pretty was always a very big thing growing up.

I never feel guilty or anything after a podcast; I feel better.

I went and hung out at a foot fetish party, and I knew that was a very popular fetish to have, but I didn't realize how amazing it would be to have it.

The more you work in this business as a comedian, the closer you get to just being yourself onstage, on camera, the more well received you are.

Up until recently, I've said, 'I don't notice the sexism in the industry.'

I've been doing stand-up for a few years, and I have a handful of fans just from stuff I've done, like 'Last Comic Standing.' And as a fan of stand-ups myself ... like, when I first discovered Sarah Silverman, I wanted to know everything about her life.

I think I deal with my anger toward my relationship or about my relationship or about my friendships or my family - I deal with it on stage in a passive-aggressive way, and that can be very harmful if it gets back to them, which it always does.

I always told my parents, 'Just give me till I'm 27 to do comedy, to make it'.

I throw out compliments to strangers all the time, because I would like it back at me, and do unto others.

All my relatives and friends have been pretty aware of my brand of humor for a while, so none of them have been shocked.

I am a woman, so I never want to hide that or be like, 'I'm one of the boys,' because I'm not. I am aware of our audience. We always aim for the right combo of not hitting people over head but still getting our message across.

I nannied for a couple of months. The kids were super-funny; it made me wish I grew up in a comedy household. But nannying is demoralizing. I'm just not cut out for it.

I just got a new dog, so I was worried that he'd hate the fireworks, and he did, but just because he's not a patriot, not because of the loud sounds. The loud sounds he's fine with - he just hates America.

All my life - middle school, high school - I've always been worried what are people going to think.

When I did 'Nikki and Sara Live,' I think a lot of the comedy got lost because we were always so worried about how we looked, and so was the network.

I don't feel the same pressure to be perfect up there that I did in the beginning.

I've been saying inappropriate things since I was a kid.

Some of my favorites include 'Walking the Room' and 'Never Not Funny' and 'FitzDog Radio', Greg Fitzsimmons' podcast.