Quotes from Terry Pratchett

The poor devils. They thought a king would make them free.

Tell him - tell him he's very welcome. Tell him breakfast is - uh - one gold piece'. For a moment Broadman's face looked as though some vast internal struggle was going on, and then he added with a burst of generosity, 'I'll throw in yours, too.' 'Stranger,' said Rincewind levelly. 'If you stay here you will be knifed or poisoned by nightfall. But don't stop smiling, or so will I.

You know, after a woman's raised a family and so on, she wants to start living her own life.

The death of the warrior or the old man or the little child, this I understand, and I take away the pain and end the suffering. I do not understand this death-of-the-mind.

There was a click. There was a noise like a partridge. There was a thud. There was silence.

You're not suggesting that Vetinari tucks into a nice rat every day? said Angua. I've heard he uses rats as spies, so I don't think he'd use them as elevenses, said Carrot.

I have to find the edge of the envelope and put my stamp on it.

Amazin'.' he said again. 'He just looks as though he's thinking, right?' 'Er...yes.' 'But he's not actually thinking?' 'Er...no.' 'So...he just gives the impression of thinking but really it's just a show?' 'Er...yes.' Just like everyone else, then really,' said Ridcully

She was quivering with self-importance, like a small enraged football.

That was an important rule of any game: always make it easy for people to give you money.

It is not a good idea to spray finest brandy across the room, especially when your lighted cigar is in the way.

The street was full of animals, milling around uncertainly. When animals are in a state of uncertainty they get nervous, and the street was already, as it were, paved with anxiety.

He felt as if he'd been shipwrecked on the Titanic but in the nick of time had been rescued. By the Lusitania.

Nowadays only cosmologists and particle physicists are allowed to invent new kinds of matter when they want to explain why their theories totally fail to match observed reality.

The desert wasn't mappable. It ate map-makers.

I could use you—if you pass the tests, of course. There are three of them. You have passed the first. What are the other— Hrun paused, his lips moved soundlessly and then he hazarded, two?

But there were times when you needed trees, and the shame of it, Jaime thought, was that his children were growing up thinking of trees as firewood and his grandchildren would think of trees as history. But

the really important thing to be was yourself, just as hard as you could.

AND NOW THERE REMAINS ONLY ONE FINAL QUESTION, he said. He raised his hands, and seemed to grow. Light flared in his eye sockets. When he spoke next, avalanches fell in the mountains. HAVE YOU BEEN NAUGHTY…OR NICE? HO. HO. HO.

He rather liked people. It was a major failing in a demon.

Bees buzzed in the bean blossoms. And the sun beat down on the upturned shell of Om. There is also a hell for tortoises. He was too tired to waggle his That was all you could do, waggle your legs. And stick your head out as far as it would go and wave it about in the hope that you could lever yourself over.

Plan A had worked. Plan B had failed. Everything depended on Plan C, and there was one drawback to this: he had only ever planned as far as B.

Tiffany opened her mouth to reply before she had any idea what she was going to say, but that is not unusual among human beings.

Now there's a power," he said. "Harnessing the lightning! The dream of mankind!" The Unnamed Boat surged forward. "Is it? It's not my dream," said Didactylos. "I always dream of a giant carrot chasing me through a field of lobsters.