Quotes from Terry Pratchett

There's always hope. So? There's always taxes, too. It doesn't make any difference.

Sometimes the moon is light and sometimes it's in shadow, but you should always remember it's the same moon.

Well, she knew the risks when she got the job," said the Dean. "What?" said the Senior Wrangler. "Are you saying that before you apply for the job of housekeeper of a university you should seriously consider being eaten by sharks on the shores of some mysterious continent thousands of years before you are born?" "She didn't ask many questions at the interview, I know that.

You're hearing things said the voice in Rincewind's head.

Romancin' is verrae important, ye ken. Basically it's a way the boy can get close to the girl wi'oot her attackin' him and scratchin' his eyes oot.

Oh, don't be absurd, man.' The Prime Minister sat back in his chair. 'Come on. We can't just ban a thing because we can't control it.' The minister responsible for health and safety looked startled. 'I don't see why not. It's never stopped us before.

Captain Vimes believed in logic, in much the same way as a man in a desert believes in ice – i.e., it was something he really needed, but this just wasn't the place for it.

What about the Vimes manual, then? snapped Vimes. I notice you've never bothered to learn how to use me! The demon hesitated. Humans come with a manual? it said. It'd be a damn good idea! said Vimes. True, murmured Angua. It could say things like 'Chapter One: Bingeley bingeley beep and other damn fool things to spring on people at six in the morning, said Vimes, his eyes wild. And 'Troubleshooting: my owner keeps trying to drop me in the privy, what am I doing wrong?

It's political, sir. Apparently he wants a return to the values and traditions that made the city great, sir.' 'Does he know what those values and traditions were?' said Vimes, aghast. 'I assume so, sir,' said Carrot, keeping a straight face. 'Oh my gods. I'd rather take a chance on the lobsters.

It's witchcraft with all the crusts cut off, and real witchcraft is ALL crusts.

I always said you couldn't trust those people from Purchasing," said the Deputy Financial Manager. "The bastards.

They come quietly—like a silent but deadly fart—and they get you before you can pinch your nose.

Most armies are in fact run by their sergeants—the officers are there just to give things a bit of tone and prevent warfare from becoming a mere lower-class brawl.

The trouble with a target-rich environment is that it's useless if you don't know which target you have to aim at.

Right at the bottom, at the tip of the root, is the fear of the dark and the cold, but once you've given darkness a name you have a measure of control. Or at least you think you have, which is nearly as important.

the damned had been given that insight which makes hardship so easy to bear — the absolute and certain knowledge that things could be worse.

Nothing is more reassuring, nothing is more true to the comfortable spirit of English occultism, than the smell of Brussels sprouts cooking

Hats defined the head. They defined who you were.

They were probably descended from people who learned that if you look too hard at anyone on horseback you receive a sharp stinging sensation such as might be obtained by a stick around the ear. Not looking up at people on horseback had become hereditary. People who stared at people on horseback in what was considered to be a funny way never survived long enough to breed.

The universe, they said, depended for its operation on the balance of four forces which they identified as charm, persuasion, uncertainty and bloody-mindedness.

There is a phrase neither flesh nor fowl nor good red herring. This thing was all of them, plus some other bits of beasts unknown to science or nightmare or even kebab. There was certainly some red, and a lot of flapping, and Nutt was sure he caught a glimpse of an enormous sandal...

The face you wear in a battlefield should be a solemn one until the time when things are cleaned up and the real world drips its way in.

Stand before your god, bow before your king, and kneel before your man. Recipe for a happy life, that is

I wonder what happened to 'em all? You, said the horse. Well, yes. But I always thought there'd be some more.