Quotes from Terry Pratchett

inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?

Albert grunted. Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions? Mort thought for a moment. No, he said eventually, what? There was silence. Then Albert straightened up and said, Damned if I know. Probably they get answers, and serve 'em right.

Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.

If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.

Anyway, if you stop tellin' people it's all sorted out afer they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive.

We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.

Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies. Elves are glamorous. They project glamour. Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment. Elves are terrific. They beget terror. The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning. No one ever said elves are nice. Elves are bad.

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. Of course, I could be wrong.

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.

Scientists have calculated that the chances of something so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one. But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.

Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?

Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are: 1) Silence; 2) Books must be returned no later than the last date shown; and 3) Do not interfere with the nature of causality.

Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove.

The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord. Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.

If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story.

The intelligence of that creature known as a crowd is the square root of the number of people in it.

There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do.

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.

Inside every sane person there's a madman struggling to get out, said the shopkeeper. That's what I've always thought. No one goes mad quicker than a totally sane person.

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...