Quotes from Terry Pratchett

Royalty was like dandelions. No matter how many heads you chopped off, the roots were still there underground, waiting to spring up again. It seemed to be a chronic disease. It was as if even the most intelligent person had this little blank spot in their heads where someone had written: Kings. What a good idea. Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw. It was its tendency to bend at the knees.

We can't just drop everything, sir! Mister Lipwig. Is there something in the word 'tyrant' you do not understand?

He's probably their battle poet, too. You mean he makes up heroic songs about famous battles? No, no. He recites poems that frighten the enemy....When a well-trained gonnagle starts to recite, the enemy's ears explode.

Many things went on at Unseen University and, regrettably, teaching had to be one of them. The faculty had long ago confronted this fact and had perfected various devices for avoiding it. But this was perfectly all right because, to be fair, so had the students.

It's an unfair world, Child. Be glad you have friends.

Taint what a horse looks like, it's what a horse be.

Once you've ruled out the impossible then whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truth. The problem lay in working out what was impossible, of course. That was the trick, all right. There was also the curious incident of the orangutan in the night-time.

Neither claimed any responsibility for Milton Keynes, but both reported it as a success.

The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.

Few things are hidden from a quiet child with good eyesight.

His sister had been sent down to the village to ask Mistress Garlick the witch how you stopped spelling recommendation.

But I think you have a right to know what it is you're not being told.

When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend.

It is a popular fact that nine-tenths of the brain is not used and, like most popular facts, it is wrong. Not even the most stupid Creator would go to the trouble of making the human head carry around several pounds of unnecessary gray goo if its only real purpose was, for example, to serve as a delicacy for certain remote tribesmen in unexplored valleys.

Romancin' is verra important, ye ken. Basically it's a way the boy can get close to the girl wi'oot her attackin' him and scratchin' his eyes oot.

That's what I don't like about magic. It does everything by magic.

I wonder if it's like this for mountain climbers, he thought. You climb bigger and bigger mountains and you know that one day one of them is going to be just that bit too steep. But you go on doing it, because it's so-o good when you breathe the air up there. And you know you'll die falling.

It was nice to think that mankind made a distinction between blowing their planet to bits by accident and doing it by design.

It was a nice day.

About sweeping).... What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

People's whole lives do pass in front of their eye before dying. The process is called Living

My personal theory is that he has a very firm grasp upon reality, it's simply not a reality the rest of us have ever met before.

Tiffany knew what the problem was immediately. She'd seen it before, at birthday parties. Her brother was suffering from tragic sweet deprivation. Yes, he was surrounded by sweets. But the moment he took any sweet at all, said his sugar-addled brain, that meant he was not taking all the rest. And there were so many sweets he'd never be able to eat them all. It was too much to cope with. The only solution was to burst into tears.

Vimes struggled to his feet, shook his head and set off after it. No thought was involved. It is the ancient instinct of terriers and policemen to chase anything that runs away.