Quotes from Terry Pratchett

The Empire's got something worse than whips all right. It's got obedience. Whips in the soul. They obey anyone who tells them what to do. Freedom just means being told what to do by someone different.

Sometimes it's like watching a wasp land on a stinging nettle: someone's going to get stung and you don't care.

You could say to the universe this is not fair. And the universe would say: Oh, isn't it? Sorry.

Don't you want to die nobly for a just cause? I'd much rather live quietly for one.

I WAS NOT EXPECTING A NAC MAC FEEGLE TODAY, said Death. OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE WORN PROTECTIVE CLOTHING, HA HA.

Yes, sir, thank you, sir, and I wouldn't trust me one little inch, sir. I knows a bad one when I sees them. I have a mirror.

I have to ask, sir...Why does it have to be done like this? Vetinari smiled. Can you keep a secret, Mister Lipwig? Oh, yes, sir. I've kept lots. Capital. And the point is, so can I. You do not need to know.

She knew a cutting, incisive, withering and above all a self-evident answer existed. It was just that, to her extreme annoyance, she couldn't quite bring it to mind.

Sergeant Colon owed thirty years of happy marriage to the fact that Mrs. Colon worked all day and Sargent Colon worked all night. They communicated by means of notes. They had three grown-up children, all born, Vimes had assumed, as a result of extremely persuasive handwriting.

We may even find out why the duck-billed platypus.* *Not why is it anything . Just why it is.

A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it.

People wanted the world to be a story, because stories had to sound right and they had to make sense. People wanted the world to make sense.

This looks like a job for inadvisably applied magic if ever I saw one.

SOD YOU, THEN, Death said.

Who'd want a pony when you could have the whole universe? It was far more interesting and you didn't have to muck it out once a week.

Nanny Ogg was an attractive lady, which is not the same as being beautiful. She fascinated Casanunda. She was an incredibly comfortable person to be around, partly because she had a mind so broad it could accommodate three football fields and a bowling alley.

Mr Lipwig, there's a lady in the hall to see you and we've thanked her for not smoking three times and she's still doing it!

The thing about stories is you have to pick the ones that last.

Goats did have names for themselves, she well knew: there was 'goat who is my kid,' 'goat who is my mother,' 'goat who is herd leader,' and half a dozen other names not least of which was 'goat who is this goat.

YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE

No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.

Death stood alone, watching the wheat dance in the wind. Of course, it was only a metaphor. People were more than corn. They whirled through tiny crowded lives, driven literally by clock work, filling their days from edge to edge with the sheer effort of living. And all lives were exactly the same length. Even the very long and very short ones. From the point of view of eternity, anyway.

He helped the Librarian up. There was a red glow in the ape's eyes. It had tried to steal his books. This was probably the best proof any wizard could require that the trolleys were brainless.

He was currently wondering vaguely who Moey and Chandon were.