Quotes from David Cross

You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.

If there are a couple of adjectives people use to describe me, anger is usually in there. I've never taken that as criticism. It's the way I naturally communicate. But I'm not faux-angry, like Lewis Black, or angry like a gun-toting crazy person. I'm just angry in a mild way - it's not like I'm going to do anything about it.

I lived in LA for almost nine years and if I never went back there again it would be fine.

I work a lot and I like to get out and work but the work I do to make the other work work I'm not very good at.

I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which is the original thing which I thought was funny.

Originally they wanted me to be Buster but I really like the Tobias part.

Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.

I'm not going to benefit from free college education, but I think all those things are good for the country.

James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history.

What happened to our friendship? I really think it's our obligation as friends to be brutally honest and be frank with them and say, 'Look, I'm sorry, but your baby is fking boring.'

Besides if people really want to support the troops they would vote democrat.

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!