Quotes from Tim Conway

This gathering is what I call "intimate," which really means "Where is everybody?"

We kept a broad audience, and we didn't make fun of people who had necessarily made mistakes in their life and burned them to the ground. We made fun of a commercial or a movie or ourselves.

I have a lot of awards in my house that I have absolutely no idea what they are for.

As a kid I was short and only weighed 95 pounds. And though I was active in a lot of Sports and got along with most of the guys, I think I used comedy as a defense mechanism. You know making someone laugh is a much better way to solve a problem than by using your fists.

At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn't much of a future in it.

People enjoy sitting back knowing they won't hear a lot of four-letter words.

That's all I ask of life, residual laughter/

My career is pretty much over. I'm out in the Valley eating soft-boiled eggs.

I would get ill before going onstage - something about getting in front of people, and if they don't laugh, I'm a bomb. I got over it when somebody laughed.

I don't watch a lot of TV anymore. A lot of it isn't the kind of thing you can feel comfortable with watching with your kids. And I still feel that way even though, now, my kids are in their 30s.

I avoid all the language and nudity and violence and everything. I have enough of that at home.

When I watch TV, I'm embarrassed by some of what's on.

At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn't much of a future in it.