Quotes from David Spade

I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.

I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.

I asked my ex-girlfriend, "Do you think we'll get back together?" She said, "I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car."

The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, "Hey, did I leave a penny over there?"

To be famous and broke is hard.

It's funny because it's funny.

There's always something funny about men chasing women.

I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.

No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it's too weird to sleep in too late.

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.

I never dated much in high school or college.

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, 'That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.'

To be famous and broke is hard.

You know, you want to pull in a wide audience.

Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.

Single guys get a bad rap.

Don't make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they're 5-years old! It's really not the place or the time. You're about 11 years early.

I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him in my act. But I tell him, I have to get something out of this.

I've been with a beautiful girl from time to time.

It's so crazy in Hollywood.

When I started I'd fly across the country to do a gig for a hundred bucks.

I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.

My career is just kind of crazy.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.