Quotes from Jenny Eclair

I think I might actually die of showing off. It'll be on my headstone - 'Cause of Death: Showing Off.'

After graduating from flares and platforms in the early 1970s, I started drama school wearing a pair of khaki dungarees with one of my Dad's Army shirts, accessorised by a cat's basket doubling as a handbag. Very Lady Gaga.

I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.

I am not sure gender ever won't be an issue in comedy, because I think that women do have different priorities in some respects.

I'm very jealous of my daughter's education. She's been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.

I've just got crap hair. Although I inherited a lot of stuff from my dad, including giant knees, I didn't get his good, thick hair. I got my mother's thin, wispy, non-event hair instead.

I'm very bad at having heroes. I don't rate anyone particularly highly because I'm so snide and competitive and not very nice.

As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.

Well, I really don't like heights. I don't get on the top deck of a double-decker because that's a bit high for me. I always feel that I'm going to hurl myself off, so heights are a problem.

I've got this horrible feeling that I'm one of those people who'll always have to flog their guts out to get anywhere.

I think as time goes by you'll get female comics who are weirder - you'll get a female Mighty Boosh.

The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.

I love fashion, but I don't come from a background of loving clothes, and I remember feeling badly dressed from a young age.

I think my siblings sometimes have to defend me within their social circles - they are both barristers.

Well, I'm not good with sliminess. I hate the thought of creatures that have slime on them or creatures that leave a slimy trail. At home, the sight of a slug can bring up my breakfast.

I was trained as an actress. But I wasn't a very convincing actress, so I started doing punk poetry and then fell into doing stand-up.

My older sister is bossy, my brother is a stirrer and me - well, I am perfect!

I am very short-sighted, and if I don't like a situation I take my glasses off.

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

What has happened to the good old-fashioned travel agent? I want to go to a really posh travel agent and have them organise everything for me. I don't want to do things on the Internet.

I'm a schizophrenic mix of wannabe glamourpuss and absolute slob, and my style is very much magistrate-meets-barmaid.

I can't stand folk who are all snobby about reality TV.

There should be more booing in shops and restaurants and places like that when when the service is bad. If you've had a poor breakfast in a hotel, you should put your knife and fork down and boo.

Anyone who has dead straight hair wants curls.