Quotes from Jenny Eclair

What has happened to the good old-fashioned travel agent? I want to go to a really posh travel agent and have them organize everything for me. I don't want to do things on the Internet.

I have a very solo career. I only write with people that I really adore.

For me, being a woman suits what I want to talk about and what my audience wants to hear. Maybe I'm a dying breed.

If I do go to the beach there have to be certain rules: it can't be a pebbly beach, there has to be some shade and there has to be a beach bar. I don't want to go off the beaten track.

Moderation is never something I've been good at.

I'm the least spiritual person in the world. I can't even abide a smelly candle. I know it's meant to make me relax, and that immediately makes my hackles rise.

I don't do marriage. I think it's incredibly naff. And I don't like vulgar displays of ostentation.

People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry.

I can eat a man, but I'm not sure of the fiber content.

Women are more emotional, and it's natural to talk about it.

I am best viewed from a distance.

I am best viewed from a distance... and at night.

I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.

Family is the one thing that is definitely not disposable.

I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.