Quotes from Mark Twain

Don't wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

Marriage -- yes, it is the supreme felicity of life. I concede it. And it is also the supreme tragedy of life. The deeper the love the surer the tragedy. And the more disconsolating when it comes.

Love is an irreresisistible desire to be irresistibily desired.

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.

A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.

When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology.

Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.

Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.

Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them.

Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72.

Rise early. It is the early bird that catches the worm. Don't be fooled by this absurd law; I once knew a man who tried it. He got up at sunrise and a horse bit him.