Quotes from Mark Twain

Fewer things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

It isn't so astonishing, the number of things that I can remember, as the number of things I can remember that aren't so.

In his private heart no man much respects himself.

In statesmanship get formalities right, never mind about the moralities.

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

Make it a point to do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

We are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change places with an easy and blessed facility.

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spenser is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort 'em as much as you please.

When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your conviction is to be an unqualified and excusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may.

The pause - that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, howsoever felicitous, could accomplish it.

Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him.

That kind of so-called housekeeping where they have six Bibles and no cork-screw.

I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.

I wish to become rich, so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little, like those kind-hearted, fat, benevolent people do.

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.